After I had left the stadium earlier today, I arrived home and had switched my phone off, not wanting to speak to anyone. After a couple of hours to myself I had finally calmed down and realised I let the emotions of my debut get the better of me. Jonas was only doing what he thought was best for the team, which I had taken personally, even though I knew deep down it wasn't. Switching my phone back on, I had several missed calls from a couple of the girls. Leah, however, had rang and texted multiple times, begging me to call her back to let her know I was okay.
Taking a deep breath, I called Leah. The phone rang twice before she picked up, indicating she had her phone in her hand waiting for me to call her. "Hey Le, I'm sor-" before I was able to finish my apology, I was cut off by Leah. "Charl? Where are you? Are you okay? I've been trying to get hold of you for hours." She frantically stated. "Le I'm fine I'm at home, I'm sorry I left so abruptly and haven't contacted you. I got in my own head today and just needed some space. I didn't want to argue with anybody by letting my emotions get the better of me." "I'm coming over okay, we can chill tonight and watch films, does that sound good?" A smile had crept across my face as she suggested a film night, I knew this meant we will get nice and cosy in bed and have cuddles. As the thought of Leah being back in my bed distracted me, I quickly realised I had left Leah anticipating my response, I quickly assured her that her suggestion was exactly how I wanted to spend my evening and told her to come over as quickly as possible.
Shortly after our phone call, Leah arrived at my apartment. Making our way to my bedroom I handed Leah a pair of shorts and a t shirt so she could be comfortable whilst we cuddled. As she slowly undressed to get changed into the clothes I had given her, I could not help but allow my eyes to wander over to her figure. Quickly being drawn to her toned stomach as she lifted her tshirt over her head, how is she so perfect I thought to myself. I realised I was not being subtle in the slightest as Leah had caught onto me staring at her. As she remained in just her shorts and her sports bra, she edged her way closer to me as I was lay on top of the duvet covers.
"You like what you see?" She questioned with a smug look on her face. Before I had chance to respond, her face was now above mine, feeling her warm breath brush against my lips, her eyes still remained locked onto mine. She placed a gentle kiss onto my lips which I had deepened by placing my hand at the back of her neck, just above her ear. Softly pulling her further into the kiss indicating I didn't want the kiss to stop. The kiss quickly heated up, Leah's tongue explored my mouth as out tongues interlocked with one another, she knew exactly the right amount of pressure to use within the kiss. Which caused me to gently moan, as out lips were still connected. Neither of us wanting this to end. I had never felt so much passion through just a kiss.
As Leah slowly pulled back from the kiss, allowing us to finally catch our breath, she locked her eyes back on mine. "I love you" she whispered, her face still close to touching mine. "I love you too" I softly replied. Leah made me feel a way in which I had never felt before, a feeling that was so strong that I don't think there are any words to do it justice. As our lips once again met one another's Leah had now moved her head on the pillow next to mine, causing us both to roll over on our sides as she continued to passionately kiss me. Her right hand was placed on my waist as she placed small circles causing me to gasp at her touch. She slowly moved that same hand to the top of my thigh, her hand pressed against my centre causing me to moan louder this time at her touch, as the moan left my mouth I felt Leah smile into the kiss, knowing exactly what affect she had on me. Leah then applied more pressure as she rubbed my clitoris, her hand still placed over my shorts.
In this moment, there was nothing that I wanted more than for us to make love to one another. I was desperate to feel her body close to mine as we pleasured to one another. Before things could progress any further I suddenly remembered what I had read a few days ago on the NHS website about how sex can make the pain worse for people who suffer from endometriosis. I could tell Leah wanted to continue, just as much as I did, but as my mind rapidly began to think about the pain she was in the other day and how I could of potentially have caused that, I had no choice but to stop this moment of passion.
"Le no stop!" I blurted out, just as Leah's hand was down the waistband of my shorts. I didn't mean for those words to leave my mouth as abruptly as they did, but I just panicked. Leah quickly jumped back from my body as I startled her with my sudden outburst. "What's wrong? Sorry I thought you wanted too just as much as I did" Leah shyly whispered. I could see the look of hurt and embarrassment on her face as she now avoided making eye contact with me.
"I do want too, I really do, but we can't" I assured her. "I don't understand, is it me? Have I done something wrong? You just said that you love me?" Seeing the hurt in her eyes as she began to doubt herself killed me. I had not told Leah that I had done my own research on endometriosis or told her what I read about after sex. How could I? The idea of hurting her filled my insides with guilt, I couldn't put her through that. Knowing that I could of caused her to be in that amount of pain from when we had sex made my stomach drop. How am I supposed to explain this now. The look on Leah's face currently is once again causing me to feel extremely guilty as she was now questioning not only herself, but our relationship.
I knew I had to tell Leah the truth about why I had just stopped our moment of passion, but I knew this wasn't gonna be an easy conversation for us to have.
