I woke up the following morning with puffy red eyes and a stuffy nose from the crying after last night. After Ella had shown me the picture, and the realisation had sunk in that Leah had finally moved on from our relationship, I headed off to bed without explaining to Less and Ella why I got into the state I had done. I knew the questions were gonna come today.
I lay in bed for half an hour or so, debating with myself as to whether I was gonna tell my new room mates the truth or whether I should sugar coat it to them. As I finally made my way downstairs, both and Ella and Less were already chatting away sat at the kitchen table. I entered the kitchen and went straight over to the fridge before taking a seat next to Ella. There was an awkward silence to begin with until Less finally broke the tension. "How you feeling Charlotte?" I decided in this moment I wasn't going to lie, and I was finally ready to open up about me and Leah and where it all went wrong. I responded to Less "I've been better" before Ella continued "You don't have to tell us, but we're obviously concerned with how upset you were last night after seeing the picture. What's going on?" I sighed deeply before beginning to tell them from the beginning exactly what happened. "I know I should have been honest with her and told her how scared I was with hurting her but before I had chance too, she ended things." As I concluded the story, I saw the look of pity in both girls eyes as they gazed back at me. "Oh Charlotte" Less sighed as she pulled me into a hug, "Do you still love her?" Ella asked, without hesitation I answered "With all my heart, I know she's the one. But its too late now I've messed everything up and she's now moved on with Jordan." My eyes began to fill with tears once more as I thought of Leah and Jordan together. Despite the upset, I felt a sense of relief as I had finally told my side of the story to somebody. Obviously noticing my sadness, Ella suddenly slammed her hand on the table "Come on, I've got an idea. Lets go get ready, Less we're showing Charlotte Manchester today. Let's take her to all our favourite places, that will cheer her up!"
After all 3 of us were ready, we headed out in Ella's car and started our day singing along to Alessia's playlist. I instantly began to feel better.
Leah's Pov
I haven't been myself since the break-up with Charlotte, anyone close to me knows exactly how much I have struggled and I've tried to keep my mind pre-occupied by keeping myself busy and plastering a smile on my face, even though deep down I felt broken. It was hard seeing Charlotte everyday at training, but even though we didn't speak to one another I found comfort in being in her company. When Charl entered the canteen that day and announced she was going on loan to United, my heart dropped, my body was filled with guilt at the thought that she found that's the only option she had. The truth is, I ended things in anger, and I didn't know how to take back the words I had said. I know I overreacted, but the damage had already been done. Once Charlotte had announced her loan, I couldn't fight back the tears, as the rest of the girls said their goodbyes to her, I couldn't bring myself to do it, I thought that if I said goodbye, that would be it. There would be no way back. Rather than telling her exactly how much I loved her and didn't want her to go, instead I chose the easy way out – the cowards way out and made a swift exit. As I left the canteen, the tears began to stream down my face, I immediately made my way to the car where I sat for 10 minutes or so, unable to drive as I began to hyperventilate. I eventually drove home without informing anyone that I was leaving. I got home that afternoon and instantly regretted my decision, I wanted to hold her in my arms and feel her body close to mine again. I wanted to kiss her so passionately and watch her smile as I told her exactly how much I love her. Instead, I've let the love of my life go.
When I texted her that evening, I wanted to try and make conversation in hope that we might be able to talk and resolve things – naive, I know. After the blunt response back, I concluded that Charlotte didn't want to talk to me – and I couldn't blame her, especially after my sudden departure without saying goodbye.
That evening as I sat on the couch, I got a text from the girls informing me they were going on a night out, at first I decided against going because I wasn't in the best frame of mind. But after a lot of persuasion from Meado, I got myself ready and headed out to meet the girls at a bar in central London.
I spent the evening sat with Jordan, explaining the whole situation in detail about me and Charl and she was my shoulder to cry on that night. As the rest of the Arsenal girls danced around slightly drunk as they enjoyed their night, Jordan sat with me to make sure I was okay and didn't leave me alone. She's a true friend. I seen a lot of speculation the following morning around the post Jordan uploaded on Instagram about the two of us being together. It wasn't the first time I had been shipped with one of my team mates so I didn't really think anything of it as me and Jordan were just friends. But what the public don't see, is that 10 minutes prior to that image being taken, I had cried uncontrollably on Jordan's shoulder about my regret of ending things with Charl.
