New Feelings

Questions

Time feels at a standstill in the precious moments spent, yet time waits for nothing or no one. A day has passed, and the moment everyone dreads approaches. I felt it even heavier upon myself, being the only one capable to know when the clock stops.

I sat in my chair looking at the family and the moments they spent together. Even though Matthew made peace with his future, I could not stop but wonder what pressed so hard upon my conscience. Ever since the severity of my act was thrust upon me by Mother, I did not have a moment of peace. I was continuously pondering the severity of my actions and the nature of me, the nature of my being. I am eternal, yet I did what I was not supposed to do.

I involved myself deeply with those that I am meant to guide; with those with whom I share but brief moments. My dabble in their everyday life changed their lives forever. I should be nothing but a passerby. Involved when necessary, and never more. Could I have done things differently? Should I have done things differently? Would Matthew and his family still suffer like this, had I just done my job when I had to? Why am I having these thoughts? What is this that I am feeling? Ah... It was the first time I felt guilty.

Would beings such as myself and my brothers be allowed feelings? We always did what we had to do as efficiently as possible. We were created with a higher purpose than humans. We came to be to guide humanity, but is this the effect of getting too involved? I was always open to empathise... It was a job requirement. Do these feelings of love and guilt even improve us? Why would we allow ourselves, nay, to be allowed to feel such things in the first place, as distracting as they are? Would my being not automatically attend to other souls, I would continuously be lost within my head, as I find myself now. I question myself, I question my being, I question my sole reason of creation. What is the point of it all? Is this how humans are all the time? Why? Am I the only one afflicted by such feelings, I cannot even comprehend. Seeing and feeling are two different things, and I find myself stuck with both. A guilty eternal of that which he has done, all for love of which he barely knew before.

I got snapped back to reality by Matthew, pulling at my arm.

"Uncle Sam! You alright? You look out!" he took on a worried expression as he looked deeply into my eyes.

Staring back at him, I smile, reassuringly patting his head. I shift my head towards the clock on the wall. Time was running out. I let out a sigh of concern. I looked around, and everyone was either facing the other way or going out of the room for a moment. I shift towards the little kid, my concerned expression making him realise it was almost time. All he did was smile back. Nothing more, nothing less.