𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭, charlie conway

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 | the great twins

A FEW AFTERNOONS LATER, Charlie catches up to Carrie on her walk home from school. Today is the one day a week where she's home after school and Chris isn't — he had to go to work at Mickey's Diner, where he waited tables a few days a week. Carrie knew that Charlie trying to approach her meant there was another obligation falling into her lap, supervising her little sister (who frankly didn't need to be supervised, but try to tell her brother that) as she hung out with her male friend.

"Hey Carrie... could I come over today?" He asked, juggling a stack of three small books in his hands. "I found these for Crystal at the library on my free period... figured she'd like something new."
"Sure." Carrie smiles.
"Sure?"
"Um, yeah?"
"Sorry, I just wasn't expecting an easy 'yes' like that." He smiled. "Your brother is kind of a hard-ass."
"I'm aware — it's only because you're giving Crystal your attention. He worries."
"Do you worry?"
"No."
Though Carrie couldn't always read herself, she was pretty good at reading others. She had known Charlie since before she could remember, and she knew he was an inherently good person. He was the last person Chris needed to be worrying about, but she knew it was because he took it all personally. While he wanted Crystal to have friends, Chris had his concerns about how friends would treat her. He hated Charlie, but he pushed for him because she didn't deserve the way he abandoned her. It was his strange way of inflicting pain upon him, trying to force a penance.

If it were up to Carrie, Charlie could come over as much as he wanted, and there was no need for supervision. The only thing she saw as potentially dangerous was how cute he was. And though she'd never do that to Crystal, she did occasionally think about him and what it would be like if he had a crush on her instead.

She knows it's a good thing that Charlie is coming over. Even though he's only been over twice, Crystal had been in good spirits ever since — unusual, due to her condition. This would be the perfect remedy for her blues today, blues brought on by the simple fact that Chris had to leave for school and go on to work.

Carrie felt terrible when Crystal felt as scared as she had been that morning, and she felt for her twin whether she liked it or not. She watched him go through the dilemma in his head: do I stay to comfort my sister and miss school, or do I go to school and hope she calms down? Do I call out of work again, or do I go in and hope she feels better on her own? Today, Chris had to go to school and had to go to work, but she knew the ordeal was on his mind all day; she knew that morning on the walk to school after Crystal's meltdown, when all Chris had to say was "should I turn around?"

It wasn't right that Chris always had to be the one to make sacrifices for Crystal, and it made no sense to Carrie. What about their mom sacrificing like he did, or at the very least, spending more time with her? Why did Crystal always want Chris, not her sister or mother? She knew Crystal wanted safety and comfort, though it didn't always come out that way, and that somehow Chris was the embodiment of that to her. Inside she was still ten, but she saw Chris for what he was, 17 and strong.

She knew, she knew, she knew; what didn't she know?

Well, she didn't know when and why Chris became Crystal's father figure, or that he even meant that to her in the first place. She didn't know what of their various problems and illnesses had been inherited from her father. She didn't know why he had left upon learning her mother was expecting Crystal; why the three of them weren't enough for him to want to stay in the first place.

At home, Carrie pours herself a glass of chocolate milk before retreating to "supervise" Charlie and Crystal in the back bedroom. As soon as Charlie arrived, Crystal seemed to perk up. Carrie helped make the necessary introductions, but Crystal was unafraid, pulling him right in her room when he said he had something to show her.