𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭, charlie conway

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 | nowhere but here

CHARLIE'S SCHOOL SITUATION SEEMED to grow increasingly unbearable. Maybe it was the change in the air as spring arrived in Minnesota, or continual change in himself. But each day he found himself with his teammates, people who knew him better than anybody else, he felt less and less connected to them. Never in his life had he felt so different from someone, let alone a whole group. Besides Fulton, it seemed like nobody could understand him anymore because he was just too far from what he had been.

He had this overwhelming feeling that he just run and leave it all behind now before they could know the truth. The truth of how he loved Crystal in spite of her amnesia was something he simultaneously dwelled on and ignored, but anybody could see all he thought about was her. They'd at the least laugh at him for loving her, and would more likely bully him relentlessly for it — teasing he could handle, but this would be much worse. All of this was at the point where the bubble was about to burst; one more incident and the truth would come out like a runaway train.

Charlie sits at a long lunch table with his teammates as he does every day. He doesn't find himself invested in their conversations — none of it seemed important. Charlie didn't have an opinion to share on the latest episode of Melrose Place, or this new thing coming out called "instant messaging." Slowly, he felt disoriented from the topics he'd once been involved in.

"No thoughts, Conway? Really?" Goldberg asks. "Have you not been keeping up with Melrose?"
"No, I've been too busy." Charlie comments briefly.
"Too busy spending time with your girlfriend!" Luis jabs. "Not to mention, not getting anywhere."
"You know, I'm getting really tired of you constantly bringing Crystal into things. She's my girlfriend — I don't bring your girlfriend into everything."
"Woah, you don't have to get all defensive dude. I was just stating my observations."
"I don't get why you need to observe anything. I'm allowed to have my life just like everybody else."
Luis seems to ignore Charlie's words, which only angers him more. He's trying to not let it show, but it's hard. Luis always knew how to hit him where it hurt, how to turn up the dial on his anger, or light the fuse to start it.

"We also never got to talk about the movies."
"Oh, here we go..." Charlie sits back, crossing his arms. "You act like I was so weird for being mad at you when you were borderline having sex next to us."
"We were not, all I did was touch her boob."
"You're lying. Seriously, you're lying to my face."
"Yeah, well you're lying too. There's something off about you and her."
"You're delusional."
"Did I imagine that she put your hand on her thigh and you snatched it away?"
Shit. He didn't know that anybody had seen that.

"You didn't. But I don't see how that would bother you."
"You lectured her about it."
Now the entire table was starting to notice their conversation, tuning in to the confusing scene Luis was describing.

"Do you want to know the truth? Do you really want to? Because I don't have patience for this shit anymore."
"Sure. And why don't you tell it so everybody can hear, because I think we're all dying to know about this mysterious girl you're dating. Especially since it seems like you refuse to touch her."
Charlie can't take the pressure of the bomb inside him, waiting to drop. All he can do is try to catch himself and breathe before he lets it out. He wasn't mad. He needed to tell the truth for his sanity and Crystal's honor.

"About six years ago, Crystal found out she had cancer in her brain. They caught it early, there was just one tumor they had to remove. And the surgery went great, except it damaged her memory. She couldn't create new memories anymore. I've known her my whole life, long before the accident, but she doesn't remember me. I'm the only thing she doesn't remember from before. I go to see her and I have to start over each time. But I love her, and she loves me. So forgive me if I don't want you nearing third base in front of her, or to touch her thigh; for you all to constantly bring sexual stuff into something you have no idea about."