come back to me

It still hurts

Carinas pov 

"Bambina, your moms here." I yell up the stairs. "Si, coming!" She responds. I open the front door to let Maya in. "Hi" she says, her hands tucked in her pockets. "Ciao" I respond. The silence is awkward, I used to love being with her. I used to love the silence, when I could just stare in her eyes . 

Andrea comes down the stairs, carrying her backpack and another bag with clothes for the weekend. "Carina, I.." Maya starts, but I cut her off. "Not in front of andy." I say sternly. I'm not letting my Bambina experience the yelling and abuse I did as a kid. I'm not letting her see that side of me. 

I pick my Bambina up, hugging her tightly. "I love you very much, I'll see you in a few days, si?" I say, she hugs me back and nods. She hugs Maya, then grabs her hand. She looks just like her, the eyes, the hair... 

"See you on Monday, Car." She says before heading out. The silence in the house is heartbreaking. It used to be filled with love. I start cleaning, the house has gotten a little messy in the last few days. 

It's been two months since Maya and I separated. Two months since I caught her at work with jack. Two months, and it feels like an eternity. I used to love coming home at the end of a long day, and hugging my girls. Now, I just want to distract myself. 

"Dr.DeLuca, you're not on call" Bailey says with a stern voice. "I know, I just can't be home right now." I reply, putting my scrubs on. I head to my office, sitting in my desk and staring off. My phone buzzes, missed call from Maya. Voicemail from Maya. 

I press play, not knowing if I can handle it right now. Her voice rings out. "Carina. I.. I didn't even know I was gonna call I just did it and .. listen. I need to make it up to you. I need you to trust me again, I need... I need you. I can't keep living this life without you. Before you ask, drea is playing with Vic, so she's not hearing this. I love you. You are the love of my life, and I can't keep doing this without you... call me back, please. I.. please. I love you." 

My tears are interrupted by a knock at my door. "Dr. DeLuca i have this patient and.. oh I'm sorry I can leave." Jo says. "No, come in, it's okay." I reply. She sits at my desk, handing me a tissue. "Maya?" She says. I nod. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks. "No, I want to work. Distract me." I say. 

I work the rest of the day, not many patients to see but it's better than being at home. I'm driving home when I get another call from Maya, but this time I answer. "Mama!" Andrea says through the phone. "Bambina!" I say, smiling. She talks all about her day, before saying Goodnight and I love you. 

She hands the phone to Maya, who then leaves her room to let her sleep. "Did you get my voicemail? " she asks. "Si." I say, my heart sinking. "And? " she adds. "Maya, I can't even think about it right now. You cheated on me with Jack. We were perfect. We were married, and my visa just came in, and we have a beautiful daughter, and you cheated on me." 

The phone is silent for a second. "I know Carina. I don't know what went though my head. I thought I was past the self destructiveness." She says, crying. I bite my cheek, she continues. "I talked to Diane a lot. Please take me back." 

"Maya, I can't right now. I... I can't. Can we talk about it in a few days? Maybe get some coffee or something?" I say sighing, crying yet again. "Yes. Please." She replies. I take a deep breath, "I love you." I say to her. "I love you Carina." She replies.