Don Quixote

11

There's been an aesthetic going around for a while now called the "clean girl" aesthetic.

My grandmother embodies that perfectly it amazes me.

Always going on walks with her dog, washing her face and putting on anti aging creams, eating almonds and kale while going outside just for some vitamin D.

She was always fussing about nutrition and her weight. My mother and I would mock her saying things like "oh my gosh I gained 0.00001 pounds oh no!" to be funny.

She would push her dietary routines on other people saying things like "honey do you really want to eat that?" and "oh your hungry? Have some nuts."

I remember one time we had gone out to eat and I don't think I had eaten a lot that day and I took a few bites at dinner but wanted to rest to go. Later that night I had taken the box out of the fridge to eat a little more and she side eyed me while I ate and when I looked at her she had said "I'm full" as if asking "why are you still hungry?" Like if I was doing something wrong.

It had really upset me.

I remember another time i was talking with her about the dance classes I took and I told her I had wanted to do pointe ballet. She quickly exclaimed "oh honey you need to lose weight then! You'll hurt your toes!" I quickly excused myself and as soon as I left the room I broke down.

It hurt a lot because I knew some girls heavier than me doing pointe. Later she apologized to me saying she was just worried about my toes, telling me she didn't want me to get hurt.

I understand the logic. The more you weigh the harder it'll be on your feet, but it still hurt my feelings in a way I can't really express.

I started doing pointe the following year.