Don Quixote

10

Friends joke around with each other.

They were all jokes.

Right?

"Jisoo you fat bitch!" When I'd eat one of his takis.

Seoham was naturally thin. He was tall too which made him even skinnier.

I was a complete contrast to him. Being short and chubby my whole life.

Even when I started to slim down he'd call me fat. I wonder if I'll always be the fat friend, even if I'm not bigger than him anymore. Maybe he'll always see me as the person he saw when we met.

Chubby, lonely, sad, not descriptive words I'd want to associate with myself.

Seoham and I had gotten really close the summer before 7th grade.

We'd walk everywhere around down, of course not a drop of sweat would drip off of his skinny little body. My face would redden like a strawberry and sweat would drip from my forehead the further we traveled.

Seoham is a very confident person, or at least that's how he presented himself.

But I know. I know how he really is.

He's an anxious person, who throws up from how powerful his panic attacks are. He drowns his depression in alcohol and uses weed to dog his mind of thoughts. Thoughts of wanting to hurt himself which he often does.

We used to sit in his bathroom together with razor blades and cut our thighs together. We've both been that vulnerable around each other, which made it even harder for me when we drifted away.

In 8th grade we pretty much stopped talking. He started sitting with other people at lunch, ignoring me when I tried to talk to him in gym class or in the hallway.

But the odd thing I noticed is, the thinner I got, the happier I got, the further we grew apart. We grew apart when I stopped hurting myself, when I stopped eating, when I stopped hiding my body, and when I stopped wasting time on people who don't appreciate me.

He didn't like the better version of me. He liked be better at my lowest.

I like myself better now sure, but if I knew for sure that he would start talking to me again if I was the way I was before, I would switch up so fast you wouldn't be able to comprehend what had happened.