DAISY'S POV
I've been doing great recently, university has been keeping me busy and I'm kind of excelling in whatever I'm doing and I'm proud of it.
My mind is busy, there's absolutely no time for me to overthink about anything or let my mind just wander around aimlessly. To be honest this is the most productive I've ever been and i like it.
Just after studying for a bit , i move to my balcony, which is windy, slow sweet winds , just blowing by me, washing over me.... Relaxing me.
JUST WHEN.... I SEE...
someone resembling to jin . I can't see the face but oh... The frame .... The broad shoulders.... He resembles jin. But why would he be here? In Busan? I quickly move closer to my balcony frame, fixating my eyes upon the jin-like moving figure.
Turns out... It was just... Somebody else.
*Oh! Can't you think of something else! Other than him!* My subconscious shouts at me.
"I should be studying anyways" i say getting back to my room.
*Why are you still on my mind jin?* My subconscious questions , sadly.
I move to my table and grab my diary to finally... Write...
DAISY'S DIARY
2.11.12
DEAR SEOKJIN,
how have you been? I'm doing good honestly.
You know, I'm doing so good , excelling where i am, i am sure , you're doing the same thing as well. Well you must be, cuz from what i know, you always excelled in whatever you did in school. I hope university life is treating you well. I hope you too have made some friends. I hope you're fine.
I don't know why, but whenever i think of you these days, my heart feels so calm , instead of the butterflies i used to feel. I don't know what kind of feeling is this. Cuz i honestly, still love you the same or maybe .... More. More than before. I just wanted to move on from this feeling. The feeling of loving you from afar , because it was tormenting my brain , but at the same time my heart was not ready to forget you or the love I've been feeling for all these years for you.
I still remember the first day of our high school , where i first saw you , standing beneath the broad sunlight with your only group of peers. The sun enhancing your features. Your cute face. The way you smiled . Laughed. Just made my heart flutter that day.
After getting to know more about you, from a few aquaintainces , sometimes overhearing your friends boasting about you , your qualities and your kind nature to others and ofcourse, seeing you recieve prizes for excelling at almost everything! God! You literally were an all rounder. All these small things made me fall for you even more, even when i personally never knew you or you never knew me.
I still to this day, don't know why and what made me fall for you. Maybe it was all written this way.
I seriously want to treasure this love all my life, even when it's not reciprocated at all. I don't know why but i love cherishing and living every bit of it... All on my own...
I love you.
Daisy.
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"Baby? You alright?" I hear my mom and look back to only find her looking at me from the doorway with a concerned look on her face.
I quickly wipe the small escaped tear and say " ofcourse i am" giving her a small smile.
"Is it about jin again?" She asks in no time.
Yes, both my mom and my dad know that i love jin and there was a time where my dad just wanted to blurt it all out his dad, as they were the main society members, meeting frequently.
Both of them often met his parents, he too somewhat knew about my parents but never about me, as i always refused to meet either him or his family in person. Why you may ask? I'd say it's the shyness i have, my timid nature never lets me mix up with new people and ofcourse it was jin, it always sent a thousand butterflies in my stomach, at the mention of meeting him... I don't know why. I would always freeze at my spot whenever my parents mentioned about him or meeting his family.
My nature wasn't the only reason of me denying to meet him, it was also an array of self-doubting thoughts, that always restricted me from ever meeting him. I always got angry at myself for doubting myself and never taking the step to make jin atleast know about me, or my existence, when my parents actively supported me. But the moment i got angry at myself , the next moment those thoughts would come back. Argh! I don't know why am I like this!
"Sweetie?" She asks shaking me lightly .
"Y-yeah" i say adjusting my glassses.
"Let's talk it out today, maybe you'll feel better" "shall we?" She asks and i nod.
"Tell me what made you cry?" She asks
"Why is it like this mom! Why am I like this! Why do i always doubt myself! When clearly , I'm not that bad at all! Why i always hesitated to meet him! Why i always denied and ruined all those chances! Just why! Why! " I hug her and cry it all out.
"I could've atleast let him know that i exist! That i love him! Rather than writing these letters , pretending to write them to him!" "Why am I like this mom?" I cry and she listens calmly, Patting my back.
"That's how you have made yourself like , darling" she finally says and i look up at her with tears in my eyes.
"What do you mean?" I ask .
"That's how you've always been like, baby. Always staying in your tiny little bubble, with just us and your best friend around." She stops.
"When you found jin, you felt the love, but the bubble you lived in always restricted you from confessing him or even sharing the same space as him" she added.
"It's how some people are like, dear. You're no unique. But you're a little more than all of them."
"All i want to say is, get out of your bubble, explore this world. I can't promise you it's the best but it's just the way you learn , you learn about life and people. Till when will you be like the shy , timid girl? Always losing up on the best things that god's been sending her way?" She rubs her hand on my cheek wiping my tear.
"It will for sure be tough, but give it a try , I'm sure it will be worth it. And you know, we always wanted you to be out of your little world and so did aien-soo... Maybe if not for yourself, you can try for us?" She asks.
"I will eomma" i say , breaking the hug.
"Now, stop crying and rest well baby" "good night" she adds and lefts .
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"It was all an illusion,
Illusion, of just me all along,
Living everything, on my own,
When it was not only me, living it,
But also the one, reflection, of my soul,
It was not just me, but also my soul, suffering, all this along."
YOU ARE READING
LOVE ; ONLY I LIVED // KSJ
Fanfiction"It entered, so suddenly In the lives of our, ordinary For all i know , How breathtakingly beautiful it was, Though, all it turned into, Was a painful lingering memory, All it turned into, Was a menacingly beautiful love story, Lived, only by me." °...
