AUTHOR'S POV
After a few months
"Is there something to worry about?" Her mother's words echo in her mind.
"Oh, There's nothing to be worried about mrs. Yun" The doctor's assurance too , assures her a bit but then again, she's taken back to the pool of doubts in her mind.
------
Daisy wanders around , in the busy city of Seoul, with cold winds brushing over her and her mind wandering in another pool of thoughts.
She's been actively looking for errands as the supposed prize money, she has learnt, won't help her too much. She's already working in a small cafe , but considering the amount of money she needs , she's been running errands at multiple places, often overexerting herself and sometimes even starving herself.
It has been varying expiriences for her, ever since her recent move to Seoul and to her, nothing seems to have worked out for the better.
--
"Are you alright? You look sick" aien-soo confronts her with worry in his voice.
"Yah! I'm doing just fine" she says whining.
"Tell me, you haven't been eating well and you're also overexerting yourself" he says looking her dead in the eyes from the phone screen.
"Y-yeah" she says looking down.
"And why so? Don't tell me it's about the money, daisy-ah!" He says .
"You don't have to do this to yourself just for the money! You're absolutely stable with all that! Don't do this to yourself, you need food just as much as you need money. Why is it worrying you so much? It can result in worsening the condition" he adds .
"Yah! Stop lecturing me" she whines.
"Well, what will you do? Cut the call? Go ahead then" he says crossing his arms.
"You know i can't" she says lowly.
"Daisy-ah, why are you doing this to yourself? Please stop with this, I'm telling you, you might end up worsening your not-so-worse condition" he says concerned .
"Please for me?" He adds softening his gaze.
"You know, i can't deny you, right?" She says.
"Good for you" he says.
After having a conversation with aien-soo , for about an hour, she starts doing her work that she has due for tomorrow but all this can't help her doubts from coming back. She can't help but freeze. She knows what actually can let her doubts go. Writing secret letter to jin.
DAISY'S DIARY
10.05.13
DEAR SEOKJIN,
i don't know why but i feel so disturbed lately, i learned a little something , that's been disturbing me so much, i can't help, my minds automatically goes to where it should not. I can't help with the doubts that arise either, the only way i know to ease them is to write these to you.
Sometimes, i just wish I hadn't known what i know. I just wish I could turn my time back and erase what all i have learnt. I hate it. Maybe , it's the denial stage I'm living in but somehow it ain't helping either. I can't help but accept what destiny has thrown my way.
There are so many turmoils and storms of emotions inside my mind, i can't seem to ease them. I hope i find a way out of this.
I hope you're well , though.
Daisy
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*Are you sure you're okay?* Her subconscious interrupts.
*Are you sure things will workout your way?*
"I know they will for sure" she assured herself.
She can't help but only assure herself , that's all that she can do to ease herself .
Daisy has been trying to keep herself sane, she's trying to focus more on her work and have a balanced mind but nothing seems to help her. As much as she tries to work and keep herself busy in order to escape the thoughts , her mind just gets back to it and every way she tries to ease them doesn't seem to work at all. It's frustrating and eating her alive , worsening her physical and mental health.
She is tired and exhausted both physically and mentally and desperately wants to take a break , but what can she do? Nothing. She has to do the work she's here for and try to do her best at it.
She often has those self-talk sessions , everybody has with themselves, when they're doubting. But that doesn't seem to help either, the moment she stops talking herself, she seems to lose her sanity all over again.
--------
"Nothing seems to work,
Don't know what I'm doing,
Trying to heal, can't help but get back to the heap,
Of never ending demons,
Deep inside my mind,
It's hurting, it's frustrating,
But what can I do?
Rather , bearing it all,
Hope, there's actually light ,
At the end of the tunnel,
As they say it to be."
YOU ARE READING
LOVE ; ONLY I LIVED // KSJ
Fanfiction"It entered, so suddenly In the lives of our, ordinary For all i know , How breathtakingly beautiful it was, Though, all it turned into, Was a painful lingering memory, All it turned into, Was a menacingly beautiful love story, Lived, only by me." °...
