First responder, second love

Chapter 19

God, what the hell is wrong with Evan? How could he think for one second that I would cheat on him, that I could ever hurt him like that? I love the idiot, but acting like that makes it kind of difficult. It sometimes feels like he wants to mess things up, like he wants to push me away. Why is he acting like that? I know neither of us has said the L-word, but things are getting serious, and we both feel it. Why would he want to screw that up?

I'm driving my car through the streets of LA, wondering where to go. Malia is hanging out with some girl at our apartment, and I promised her I wouldn't come home to early. But looking at the time, I know it is. When I'm thinking about where to go, I can't help but think about going to Eddie's. And maybe that's exactly the problem. Eddie and I are getting pretty close, but just as friends. He gets me, in a way Evan would keep on trying, but wouldn't succeed. Eddie knows how it is to lose someone you love immensely, someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. I know Evan really tries, but it's not the same.

I decide to drive up to Eddie's home anyway, to see if he has some time to talk. Something Evan forgets to do lately. He is so busy with getting back to is hold job, that he doesn't really talk about anything else anymore. Which means I didn't talk to him about what's going on in my head, and what I think I'm seeing for the last few days. I know it's sounds ridiculous, but it feels like someone is watching me. Not all the time, just sometimes. When I'm getting off work, and it's late, when I'm driving home from Evan's apartment, or when I'm driving up to meet some colleagues for a drink. So, all the moments when I'm alone at night. I'm wondering if I'm going crazy, thinking like I'm special enough for someone to be stalking me. Should I even call it stalking? And who would be stalking me? Evan doesn't know anything, and maybe that's better. He would probably think I'm crazy, just like I think about myself. But I can't help but think about that man in the ambulance that day, the patient who escaped and pushed the ambulance of the road. But why would he come back? He's never been seen since his escape. So, why would he risk it?

I drive up to Eddie's house and park the car on the side of the street. I get out of the car, and lock it. When I walk up to Eddie's door, I stop for a second. Should I just go home? But then I would interrupt Malia's night, and she really wouldn't appreciate that. Or should I just go to a bar, and get a drink by myself, well that sounds kind of pathetic. I knock on the door, and a woman opens it.
    "Hello, can I help you?" the woman asks me.
    "I was looking for Eddie," I answer, while I look at the woman.
    "You're Sammy, right? Eddie told a lot about you."
    "He did?"
    "You're dating Buck, right?" I nod my head doubtfully and the woman looks at me with a worried face. "Are you okay?"
    "I was hoping Eddie would have time to talk, but if he's too busy, I can go," I say and I'm ready to turn around.
    "Nonsense, he's reading Christopher a bedtime story. And you look like you could use a drink, and some company. Come on in." The woman smiles at me, and lets me into the house. "I'm Carla, by the way, I'm helping the boys out from time to time."
    "Nice to meet you. I'm Sammy, but you obviously know that already. And you know Evan?" Carla nods her head and a smile appears on her face.
    "We had a friend in common."
    "Abby, right?"
    "You know about Abby?"
    "He knows about my past, would be weird if I didn't let him share his." We walk up to the kitchen, and Carla makes some tea for us. I could definitely use something stronger, but I don't say anything. We take a seat at the kitchen counter, and Carla hands me my tea.
    "Eddie told me you're working at the hospital, and that you're working to be a surgeon. That's pretty impressive, and it could come in handy with Buck risking his life way too much."
    "Yeah, maybe," I say without looking at her. I know she means well, and she is probably trying to get to know me, but I'm really not in the mood. All I came here for is Eddie, my friend.
    "He finally fell asleep, seems like it's getting harder every week," I hear a familiar voice say. Eddie walks into the kitchen, and looks surprised when he sees me sitting at the counter. "Is everything okay?" he asks, worried. I try to nod my head, but Eddie just looks at me and looks right through that. "Did something happen?" he asks while he walks up to me. He takes place on the stool next to me, and waits for me to answer. I look at my tea, trying to dodge his eyes. "Sammy, did something happen between you and Buck?" I take a deep breath, and I try to find the words.
    "We had a fight, and I left. I needed to get out of there, before I would punch him, because I really felt like it."
    "Trust me, I've been there a few times myself," I hear Eddie speak.
    "Buck has a way to mess things up, but he probably didn't mean it," Carla reacts, and I look at her.
    "You don't even know what he said or did, you just defend him."
    "Carla means that Buck has a way to mess things up, without even wanting to. He doesn't think that he deserves what he has. He is really crazy about you, Sammy, and it terrifies him."
    "I'm not acting like a jerk, and I'm scared too. The feelings I have for him kind of terrify me as well, but I'm not accusing him of cheating on me," I speak frustrated.
    "He what?" Eddie reacts admittedly.
    "He accuses me of cheating on him, with you actually," I say, and for the first time since our conversation, I'm looking at Eddie. He blinks with his eyes a couple of times and stares into the room. "Eddie?" I ask, but he doesn't say a word, for a long time.