First responder, second love

Chapter 15

I didn't sit in the gallery to watch his operation this time. Not that I didn't want to be there, and keep an eye on him the entire time. It's just that someone blocked the way. When we arrived at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, they drove him into one of the emergency rooms, and before I could go after him, someone took my hand. Alex took me away to one of the dressing rooms and told me I had to clean myself. He wasn't wrong, I was covered in Evan's blood. There were a few big stains on my shirt, and my hands were red from his blood. He put some clean cloths down on one of the benches in the room, and he told me Jo was on her way. He left the room and Jo came in to help me get cleaned up. I got into the shower and started to get rid of the blood on my hands. Neither of us spoke, we just looked at each other, and that was enough. I knew that whatever was going to happen next, she would be there for me, just like Alex would be too. It took a long time before I was ready to leave the room. Not because I wasn't clean yet, or I wasn't changed, but because I needed to pick myself up from the shower floor. It took some time to calm myself, so I could be with the people who were here for Evan, who love him and were praying for him to be alright.

Walking up to the waiting room gets harder with every step I take. I know he hasn't died, he is still alive, and nobody lost him. But all this brings me back to the moment I lost Ben, the moment I ran into the hospital and I saw my friends holding each other. Without saying a word, I knew exactly what was going on, and that my life would never be the same again. Right now, I feel the same fear I was feeling before, the fear of losing someone I care about, someone I started to love. I know it's too late for Evan and I to be more than friends. But even though he is dating Ali, I have to tell him how I feel. The moment I hear the words 'he will be alright' I will run to him. I will tell him everything I feel. I will tell him about every single butterfly in my stomach, about how I can't stop thinking about him, and how I regret not telling him earlier.

I walk up to the people in the waiting room and take a seat next to Eddie. He puts his hand on my knee, and takes my hand in his.
    "Where is Christopher?" I ask him.
    "Karen, Hen's wife, is taking care of the kids."
    "Good, they must have been really scared."
    "They will be alright Sam," Eddie says, and he squeezes my hand, and it makes me remember Evan's hand squeezing mine in the ambulance. Did he know I was with him? Did he hear my voice, telling him he wasn't allowed to leave me?

After a few minutes, Doctor Torres and Grey walk up to us. Maddie gets up, admittedly and walks to them, with Chimney by her side. I see them talk, but I do not get up from my chair. Eddie still holds my hand, and we both watch Maddie while she's talking to Torres and Grey. They walk away eventually and Maddie turns to us. I look at her face, to see if I can figure out what kind of news is coming. A little smile appears on her face, and a tear rolls down her cheek.
    "He is going to be alright," I hear her say, and the people around me react relieved. I hear Eddie take a deep breath again, after a few seconds holding his. "It's all because of you, Sammy," Maddie says with a smile on her face, and she walks up to me. She takes my hand and I get up from my seat. "If you hadn't reacted like you did, he wouldn't have made it to the hospital," I hear her say, and she wraps her arms around me. We stand there for a few seconds, holding each other closely. I hear her sobbing a little, and I feel my shirt getting wet from her tears. She eventually let's go of me and walks off to visit her brother. I stand there in the room of the hospital, saying nothing, just staring in the distance. He is not going to die, he will be alright, and I won't lose him.
    "Did I really save his life?" I ask out loud, but I already know the answer. Because I did. I knew what I was doing because that's what I learned during my residency.
Henrietta and Chimney walk up to me and they both wrap their arms around me. They thank me for saving their friend, for saving a member of their family. Bobby walks up to me and puts his hands on my shoulders.
    "Buck is lucky to have someone like you, we all are," he says, and he gives me a hug.