the right decision

Chapter 12

"I just like hanging out with you, all the time."

-------------------------------

The days at the conference passed by quickly. Nick and I made it our little ritual to have breakfast together every morning. Throughout the day we barely even saw each other. Today was already the last day of the conference and it was actually the first time we were at the same presentation. We didn't talk much, we just naturally decided to sit next to one another.

About half an hour later, the presentation was finished. It was the last event I wanted to attend to since I was about to fly back to Seattle in a few hours. I couldn't wait to see my kids. Thank God, I have a few days off now, I thought to myself. Although it was fun to attend such events, it was also super exhausting. You had to remain professional all day long and you couldn't really participate, it was listening only. No discussions or something like that.

"Wanna grab a coffee before you head to the airport?", Nick turned towards me and gave me a soft smile.

"Yes, I'd love to.", I answered as be both headed out of the conference room. Nick was acting kind of weird today. I don't know how to explain it, but he was just a little more quiet than usual. Not in a negative way, but I still noticed something was off.

As we took a seat in a café nearby, I gave him a concerned look. "Nick? Is everything alright?", I asked and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Nothing gets past you, does it?", he answered with a smirk on his face.

Then he put on a more serious look. "Well... those past days I heard a lot of interesting speeches, I talked to a lot of interesting people, and it just made me think..."

"Think about what?", I asked. I was genuinely interested in what was going on inside of him. These past days, I mostly shared stuff about my personal life. We didn't really talk about him. He didn't really seemed like he wanted to talk about it anyways and I didn't wanna be too pushy.

Now that I think about, I actually felt bad for not asking him sooner about what was going on with him.

"Being a transplant surgeon is great, don't get me wrong. I love my job, I love Minnesota, I love the clinic.", he said running his fingers through his hair. "It's just that being a transplant surgeon always means losing someone. There's only bittersweet wins in my field. Because every time I get to operate, it means that one family has just lost a loved one."

"Yes... Loosing someone is the hardest part of our job. On some level, you experience that every day.", I nodded while saying that. I could feel how upsetting it was for him by the way he couldn't even look at me.

"So... do you think about a change? I mean, career-wise?", I asked him raising both eyebrows with an encouraging smile on my face.

"Would that be too crazy?", he asked looking down at his coffee. "I -... you know, let's not talk about this..."

"Nick!", I interrupted him quickly. "I told you everything about my crappy life and you listened and gave me advice. So now, let me listen and give you advice."

He finally looked up and our eyes met each other. "No, it wouldn't be crazy. What specialty are you thinking about as an alternative?", I asked smiling at him.

"General surgery would make the most sense, I guess...", the smile on his face now turned into a big grin.

"Well, then, good for you that you know a Harper-Avery-Award-winning surgeon who also happens to be chief of general in a world renowned hospital...", I said returning his grin.

"Oh, you really needed to add that Harper-Avery-Award thing, right?", he started to laugh a bit. I loved how even when we had serious conversations, we could still joke a little every now and then.

"Of course, I had to.", I said. "But seriously Nick, if you want me to, I can talk to our chief. You would probably make a great general surgery attending. Of course, only if you don't mind working for me."

"Uhh... you as my boss? I'm not sure about that.", he made a grimace but then quickly started laughing.

"Well, if you can wrap your head around this part, just send an application and put me down as a reference.", I offered him

"Thank you.", he said. I could feel that he was genuinely grateful for this conversation. "I have never told anyone about this before.", he admitted.

"I also told you a few things I haven't told anyone else yet these past days. It's just easy for us to talk to one another, I guess.", we both looked into each other's eyes for quite a while before I had to interrupt our little moment.

"I don't wanna interrupt this, but I have to go. My flight leaves in a couple of hours.", my voice sounded sad. And I was genuinely sad that I had to say goodbye to him now. But maybe he would consider my offer which would also mean that we could see each other and more importantly, talk to each other more frequently.

"I'm glad that you were also here, at the conference.", I said and stood up. And I meant it. I really enjoyed these past days.

I didn't know how to say goodbye to him properly. A hug would be weird, wouldn't it? So, I decided to take his hand that was laying on the table and gently press it. I held onto his hand for a moment. It just felt right.

"I'm also glad you were here.", he said. Then his eyes met mine again and we just looked into each other's eyes for a good minute. We both smiled.

"Goodbye, Nick.", I said.

"Goodbye, Meredith.", he replied, and I let go of his hand. When I did that, I just felt something weird in my stomach. Almost like an ache - the fact that we still didn't exchange any contact details and that we therefore had no way to contact each other, just felt wrong. Of course, I could always call the clinic and probably get his work mail pretending to consult him for a case, but that wasn't the same. I wanted to text him, maybe even call him. I wanted to have him around. And not just as a consult or a colleague. 

I couldn't really put my feelings into words because I was so overwhelmed by them. I never felt like that before for anyone. The things with Nick were just so... different. But in a good way. I didn't say anything else and left. And by doing that, I again left it up to faith whether our paths would cross again. 

Well, not entirely. 

I really hope he considers my offer to work at Grey-Sloan.