I followed through with what I had been threatening.. And I deeply fucking regret it. I already kind of miss her and it hasn't even been 24 hours. I understand if she doesn't take me back, what I did was foolish, I should've handled the situation properly, not fucking drop a bomb. Elliot told me not to, now I'm suffering the consequences and I won't ever get her back.
Single life is hard but it can be a helpful recovery process, no matter how much it pains you to see them with someone else. The love of your life, everything, just fucking gone. Why did I do that.. Just why.. I didn't have to follow through, but now, here's when I lose more than half of my friends just because I dumped her.
It's not going to affect me until I move past the denial stage, then it's going to hit like a fucking storm. A hurricane if you will. I don't understand. I'm fucking broken, I can tell, not feeling anything after breaking shit with her? Kind of odd if you ask me. I'm becoming numb to emotional pain, nothing really affects me anymore at this point.
We made it to 4 fucking months and I had to be the one to ruin it all. The more the day goes on with me knowing that I have notifications is making my heart race. I don't know what's being said or what was sent because I can't even check it, I'm so stressed over this and I don't even know why, I wanted to be free and I ended up achieving that. Why am I still thinking about it?. He is starting to express his thoughts and be a little too truthful in his story, I can understand why, I do seem like the bitchy type.
I mean I knew I would get put in the story eventually but like- ouch? I can't be offended, nor can I cause drama, I need to stay silent and keep my mouth shut, I already ruined everything once, I can't afford to do it again. I fucked everything up, it's going to come back to me as karma and I can't do anything about it. I wish I hadn't done that.. Why couldn't I just stay silent like I said I would, we promised each other that we wouldn't do anything to break up the relationship but here I am ruining it all for both of us.
I understand if she doesn't want me back after that, I snapped and dropped a bomb when I shouldn't have. I was so overwhelmed with anger and just mixed feelings in general that I couldn't control myself. The person I saw him as last night was a totally different person, he was kind and actually helped me with my situation..
YOU ARE READING
Vent
No FicciónContains a lot of cussing, as well as relationship problems and possible mentions of suicide. If triggered by these topics, do not read. Honestly, half of it is just a rant. Read it if you want I guess.
