My Rosie

My heart only wants you

(Grammar may be bad lollll)

My hearts pounding as I'm pulling into jennies driveway. It's nice a lot better than our dorm that's for sure. 

I park up and sit, it's been months since we last had a proper conversation and now it feels like all the feelings I put away are slowly coming up. I take a deep breath and force myself to move, I go to the floor jisoo sent me, as I'm walking the hallway feels as if it's closing in on me.

113,114,115, then finally 116.

I wanted this for so long, just to talk and finally hear the truth but every part of me wants to run and hide. I think I'm afraid that maybe this whole time I really didn't mean enough to her , at least I can pretend that she might have liked me or even loved me as her member if I don't hear the truth.

Just as I'm about to leave the door opens and there she is. My eyes widen, startled but I quickly recover.

"You came" she says softly.

"I said I would" she nods smiling, opening the door wider to let me in. I walk in tentatively, it's my first time being here. The first thought I have is that it's crazy to see how much a space can reflect someones character. She lives in a modern apartment but the woods and greenery give off a calm and soft vibe, even her furniture and the paintings on the wall scream Jennie and it makes me uncomfortable and relaxed at the same time.

I feel a pinch at the fact that someone who meant so much to me I know nothing of anymore, this house is just proving that.

" Are you hungry? I made some kimchi fried rice if you want"

My stomach growls internally at the thought but no, I want to just get this over with.

"I'm fine" we stare at each other, I try to make myself face seem blank but when she's staring at me so lovingly it's hard.

"How about a drink? I'm having wine" I sigh and roll my eyes as she moves around the kitchen getting glasses.

"I'll have the same" A whole bottle would be great. I move to take a closer look around the house, it's beautiful, elegant yet cozy. I notice there aren't many photos around the place but the ones that are up are mostly of the group or her family, I don't dwell on them. What gets my attention is the outdoor area she has, despite living in an apartment her deck area or what was a deck area has been converted into a small garden, glass windows surround it with a perfect view of the city. I decide to wait here for her, the view of Seoul distracting me.

"Beautiful right" I hum in response, taking the glass she passes me.

"The main reason I bought this place was for the view" she says. I stay silent still looking out.

"This place makes me feel normal, even for a moment. I get to sit and look at the city that's so busy and crazy in a garden all by myself" she's relaxed, her smile content.

"Jennie I didn't come here to talk about your house" I take a sip holding onto the stem of the glass tightly.

"I know" she sighs.

She moves next to me on the small outdoor couch taking a long sip of her drink.

"What do you want to know" I lean my head on my hand and she does the same.

"The truth"

"The truth is that I love and care about you" I grow frustrated, she's still beating around the bush .

"Jennie, don't play around right now because I am so close to leaving"

"It;s the truth"

"Well you have a shit way of showing it" I bite back.

"The night that Irene dropped me off, we were arguing. I want to know the truth about what you and jisoo were talking about." she looks away for a moment looking wounded by the reminder.

"No explanation or reason behind how I acted towards you can justified that I hurt you, I want you to know that. " She's say before breathing in heavily.

"I just want to know Jennie, because it seemed like it was about me and I'm just so confused you were so hurt"

"You never hurt me Rosie, never you."

"Than what" I say teary.

"When we were trainees yg had a meeting with me, it was after he told all four of us that we were debuting"  I nod along not sure what this has to do with what I was asking.

"He wanted to change the line up" my stomach sinks as I start to realise what she's saying.

"He told me that he was going to take you out and add someone else because he's an idiot who doesn't know when talents right in front of him. "

"I don't understand? he wanted to change me, than how am I- how am I here" please no.

"I made a deal, I said I'd do whatever he needed.Get us the publicity he wanted." I'm about to cry, I remember how happy I was when I was picked I finally felt like they saw my talent and proved to myself and to them that I was enough. but now knowing this. She grabs my hands moving my face to look at her.

"Don't you dare start doubting yourself, you have accomplished so much without the company or us. You've proved how talented you are and if you weren't we wouldn't have come this far and I knew that and so did every other person in that company" I start to come to my senses.

"W-what does this have to do with that night" I ask wavering.

"For the deal I had to get publicity, good or bad and that meant scandals. Kai was the first, no one forced me to but I knew what I had to do, he had enough attention on him and was attractive so we dated and I made sure the media knew. It was nothing serious I even had fun, but I was in love with someone and I could never be with them." She looks at me with teary eyes matching my own. The pieces start to piece together but I don't want to believe it.

"That night you said they took me away, what does that mean Jennie" my voice by now is trembling.

"They took you, to be able to be with them I had to forget you" Her fingers stroke my face softly.

"I've been selfish and weak, too afraid to fight for what I've always wanted and I hurt you along the way"

"Don't, d-don't say it" My Hearts pounding, my eyes sting. I pull her hands off me.

"I can't" I grab my purse and get up. She grabs my wrist now standing behind me so close I can feel her breath on my neck.

"I loved you" she says with so much force. I freeze.

" I still love you. No matter how hard I try I can't not love you, a piece of my heart is engraved for you that no one else can fill. You're my Rosie, you're my everything and I'll regret for the rest of my life that I never told you the truth. I'll love you, even if you don't love me" We're both breathing heavily. What I've wanted to hear for so long has been said.

But it's not enough, not after everything. With all the will power I can I pull myself out of her hold and walk away from her not looking back.

............................................

My heartttttttt