ADORATION

A little bit Yours

I let out a sigh as I walked into my apartment throwing my keys onto the counter and removing my shoes.

Coming back home was becoming depressive. This home no longer felt like a home. I once shared it with my ex Jordan, but he and I decided to end things a little over a year ago because of considerable differences. A year has gone by and he found someone new, before me. I doubt that he didn't try nearly as hard to. That was the problem, I still loved him very much, I never stopped truthfully. Me on the other hand I was sinking. I let myself want him, I let myself hope that maybe things could be different between us, but I was wrong.

Jordan and I suffered a miscarriage when I was 20 weeks. In the words of my doctors I stressed and siked myself out so much so to the point I loss my baby. Everyday since Ive blamed myself for it. How could I be so inconsiderate of the life I was inhabiting in my body. Jordan tried to be there for me, he did, but all I did was push him away. I sit and think to myself maybe just maybe if I would've said the right things, or did the right things, it would've never gone this way, but here I was in our once shared apartment, alone. All that I could do is get over him.

I sat down, throwing my head back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling in total silence. I had to get myself out of this funk. It's been a year for crying out loud; this was ridiculous. I stood to my feet making my way down the hall to my room.

'Machai Anthony Poole' I read on the door in passing. Our sons nursery; Jordan was so excited to find out we were having a little boy and I messed it all up for him. Jordan finished the room a week before I woke up that dreadful night with the worse cramps I've ever felt. I've yet to see the room. Once I came home I vowed to never look at it because it'll just remind me of what could've been.

I took a deep breath twisting the knob and entering into the room. I took in the blue, green and brown giraffe themed room. I walked around a little before grabbing the small teddy bear that sat in the crib. I put it to my chest and I felt my tears rush out. I just sat in the middle of the floor and cried. I needed Jordan right now, but it's my fault he's not mine anymore. I let myself put me in this position. Now Jordan and I outgrew the love we knew and I so badly still wish I had it.

After my crying session I picked myself off the floor and went to my room to shower and turn in for the night. I've been searching to get into therapy. Jordan suggested it before he and I parted ways and I was so against it, but now that I'm by myself maybe its what I need to keep my sanity.

Next Day

I woke up the next morning after crying myself to sleep to my sister calling , checking in on me. I was living in San Francisco, while my family resided in Michigan. I thought about leaving and going back home, but I didn't want to there was no reason to. I was going to be just as depressed there as I was here no since in going back.

I laid in bed watching t.v when there was a knock at my door. My eyebrows furrowed at who could've been knocking. I made my way to the door, looking into the peep hole I felt my breath get caught in my throat as I saw the man I was madly in love with and hadn't seen in over a year. Jordan standing there, standing at my door. I slowly opened the door. I looked up at him with confusion as he had a small smile plastered on his face.

"Hey Y/N, how are you?" He said.

"H-hey J-Jordan, I'm good and yourself?" I asked.

"I'm good, I was in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by and check on you. May I come in?" He asked.

"Y-yeah, that's fine." I said stepping aside for him to walk in.

"Wow, still looks the same, not a thing changed." He said looking around.