Buddie oneshots

Ramblings of Buck Buckley

Yeah yeah, I know its been awhile.

I never guessed my mini haitus would be so long, or that I'd lose my ability to write for fun once I started applying for scholarships. Yet, here we are. I won't give up on my barely touched stories, I promise. Behind the scenes there are like 20 million drafts of my plans, I just need time and a will and depressing songs on repeat. So without further adieu~ Buck's death!

Kidding.

Angst, No comfort, with open ending. I would totally say I would make a part two, but the amount of promises I've made regarding part two's are too much rn so,,

     The thing that stresses Buck out the most was how dependant he was on others.

      Like where did it all start? How?
  
     It was not fair how much pain he goes through just because someone looks at him wrong, or simply tell him that they're busy. Yet, it does hurt. And as much as he wants to say he never lets anyone know how he is feeling, he can't even lie about that. They notice everything, but is that really a good thing?

    The first example would be when he faced his first suicide jumper by himself. In hindsight, rushing up the building was probably not the best idea, but all Buck saw once the truck pulled onto the curb was Help him, and pain. He knew what it was like to give up, and depend on total strangers to save him, so he figured he could handle it. He could help.
   
    But he didn't.

     (("Hey, wanna tell me why you think this is your only option?" Buck calls out softly. The 11 year old boy standing on the elevated edge sobs in response. "You know, I bet someone cares about you. That person could be a teacher, a parent, a sibling. I bet you somone doesn't want you to take that step."

     "But thats the problem!" He wails. The boy turned Buck's way halfway, tears streaming down his face. "I actually have no one. My own mother, she, she said it herself."

     "Said it herself? How so? Some adults say mean things when they are drunk, or,"

     "I know I know, but she wasn't on drugs when she said it. She tells me everyday. 'Cohan, you ruined my life.' 'Cohan, without you I would be able to do so much.' She doesnt want me, I'm huting her everytime she has to deal with me! So I have to do this, sir. It will help her! This is the only way I can show my love." Cohan turned back around after saying his peice, and the world seemed to slow down. With a burst of speed, Buck reached out, hoping to catch him -his arm, leg, something!- only to grasp at air.
    
     The boy, Cohan, had committed suicide. Because of his mom, on Mother's day.
 
     And Buck couldn't reach out to him in time.)

     Buck was notouriously known for making things about him when it comes to some situations, (no he was not) and because of it, he attempts to not voice his opinions or advice. 19 year old Evan would be shocked at how many conversations or problems had between his friends (f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶y̶) that he doesn't reply to.

     To him, that's a miracle. To his friends (f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶y̶) thats frightening.

     His say is irrelevant, so why speak out when it is so?

    (("If I were to give a baby a banana, would it be fine?" Chim asks. The entire team (f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶y̶) was gathered around the kitchen counter, watching Bobby stir some chili at a nice even pace. It was kind of relaxing, soothing for the eyes to focus on.

    Bobby said they looked like cats.

    "Possibly be fine. It's mushy anyway. When Jeeyun grabs at it with her hand, it would offer no resistance. So why not?" Hen says.
   
    "I gave Christopher his first fruit, that was not a smoothie, when he was three. He had teeth then."