Behind My Shadow - Book Three

9. Feeling Like a Face in the Crowd

Overjoyed. Infuriated. Heartbroken. Terrified. Insecure. Lustful.

These are all the pillars of my strongest emotions amplified to the max in these mirrors.

And it's my job -my Labor- to gain control of them all. The only problem is I have no idea how. I don't even know how to begin! There was no manual to read! No extra homework I could've asked for! The only thing my dad told me prior to this was I have to think things through and talk it out with myself.

But I have no idea how I'm supposed to talk to myself when I can't even hear myself think over all the shrieking, crying and laughter of the overwhelming reflections. The entire chamber is thundering with their deafening echos, and the soundwaves keep crashing into me as repeatedly and violently as an ocean's undertow.

"Guys, stop it! Enough!" I anxiously shout to be heard over the calamity.

They ignore me.

"I...I need you all to listen to me!" I cup my hands over my mouth like a megaphone. Their chatter only intensifies. "Hey!" I yell. They still act like they can't hear me. Unbelievable!

I suddenly summon my Talent of Singing and loudly belt out, "HEYYYY!" My voice fills the entire chamber and drowns out their squabbling. Polychromatic lights flash hypnotically overhead and finally everyone quiets down with amazement, tilting their heads back to watch the lightshow that instantly fades the moment my high note tapers off. "Whew," I shakily smile as I wipe my brow. "Thank you for the floor, ladies." I give a brief bow.

"Alright, you have our attention. What do you want?" Angry demands, planting her hands on her hips.

"Actually I was sorta hoping one of you could tell me what's up," I confess, looking them over with as much fascination as disbelief. I've never seen myself quite like this before. "This is my Second Labor and I don't really know -"

"You are such a lost cause," Angry huffs and curtly turns away from me.

"Aw, don't listen to her!" Peppy calls. "You'll be fine! Just lighten up a little bit!"

"I wish it was that easy," I sigh as I wearily look around. They are each so loud and overbearing. I feel like I'm suffocating just be being close to them.

My eyes suddenly zero in on one reflection significantly less overwhelming than the others. She's in the corner of her mirror with her face hidden in her hands.

This is the one suffering with insecurity and loneliness.

I might not know how to start, but at leastwise I have an idea of where to start.

I step closer and softly tap on the glass to get her attention. She startles when our eyes meet and her face goes bright red. I smile despite myself, feeling weirdly comfortable with this cringy, awkward vibe my reflection radiates.

This is my vibe. Or at leastwise, it used to be before I found my voice here in wonderland.

"Hi, me," I wave. "I mean, you," I smile more. "So...wanna talk?"

"Um," she gulps and shrugs while anxiously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, I guess." She mumbles without meeting my eyes again.

I hesitate a moment before I say anything though, lost in a rhapsody of memories as I observe my reflection. This was the version of me Vyndren met first. I was lost when we met, lost, insecure and painfully awkward. Despite him being rough around the edges though, he didn't make me feel any smaller or weaker than I already felt. In fact, he took it upon himself to help me find my confidence. Hell, he was the first person that made me feel empowered.

I grin a bit. The least I can do is empower myself now.

"I know what you're going through," I tell my reflection softly. "All my life I've been shuffled to the back of the class and overlooked, and I know that makes you feel self-conscious. Isolation breeds self-doubt and it eats away at your confidence, huh?"

She swallows hard again and give a tiny nod.

"Believe me, I've been there," I put my hand over my heart. "I am you."

"No," she whispers painfully. "I-I don't think anyone understands what this feels like." She nervously runs her hands over her arms. "To be this...alone; this anxious and desperate to run but too afraid to be noticed if I move..."

"I do," I promise gently. "I know exactly why you feel this way. I know you were bullied by the other kids in school, I know the teachers stopped calling on you to answer questions because you were too shy to speak up and had a stutter so then you were filed to the back of the class where they could forget you even existed. I know people made you feel ashamed and insignificant." She hangs her head. "I know you feel like you're never wanted, and I know you're afraid because you feel like you'll never belong."

Tears brim in my eyes as I see a tear run down her cheek.

"Hey," I put my hand to the icy glass. "I'm here to tell you that you do belong. And that someone actually does notice you and wants you. Someone took a chance on you banking that you'd end up doing something amazing with your life," I smile faintly as I think of Vyndren defending me from the other Dark Riders. He defied them all because he found it within himself to believe that I could be more than just a sacrifice. I made him believe in me without me even realizing it.

I was just being myself.

"Trust me, you're capable of amazing things. There is a spotlight out there waiting for you to shine. Your name is up in lights now. Mine is." I smile more. "Someone ends up calling you his best friend -albeit his only friend, but still-  you make someone's life better by being in it. He sees you. He taught you things about yourself you never knew were possible. He showed you magic. He...he loves you."

"Somebody loves me?" She glances at me in disbelief.

"Yeah. Somebody really does. Actually a lot of people love you."

"So I actually have a friend?"

"You have best friends," I smile more as I think of Bishop, Quill and Vyndren. "And they notice you, they love you, they believe in you."

"That's what Mom always said," her eyes shine with pain.

I swallow the knot in my throat as I think of my missing mom. "I know... She was right though," I wobblily grin. "One day you'll be surrounded by people who know you and love you for who you are."

"That sounds amazing," she mirrors my smile of relief.

"It is." I watch the anxiety melt away from her face, and the distraction and pain finally fade from her eyes. It takes me a moment to realize that she has actually turned into me now, my actual reflection. "Whew," I bow my head gratefully to the glass. One down. Five more to go.