Behind My Shadow - Book Three

10. Talking Crazy

To say that this Labor looks and feels like a mosaic of madness is an understatement. I'm absolutely drowning in these wild, burning emotions firing at me from all sides as if I'm a bull's eye in the middle of a battlefield. But, like a solider trying to find their way home, I force myself to forge onward.

"And as I was saying," I practically have to shout to be heard over the four remaining reflections shrieking and talking over each other. After I was able to get control of my first reflection, I quickly followed up by having another heart-to-heart with the version of myself that was trapped within heartbreak. It was as equally draining as it was cathartic to talk my way through one of the most daunting and dizzying of the emotions. Right now I'm trying to have a serious conversation with Lusty Me about being so overwhelmingly in love.

Talking it over with her felt like the next natural thing to do, especially after having just tamed the heartbreak.

"I know you're really definitely head over heels for this guy, but still, you gotta pace yourself! This is all so totally new for you and you need to allow yourself some time to figure things out as you go," I try to reason with my reflection.

She cackles and waves me off. "Look at you! Worrying too much about things you can't change! Being in love is the best thing that's ever happened to me!

"I know, I know! But you're obviously getting carried away with it or else we wouldn't be here right now having this conversation about you being out of control!" I exclaim.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes, and now brightens again with desire. "When I see him again, I'm going to wrap myself around him till he feels me in his bones and then -"

"No, nuh-uh!" I wave my finger at her. "None of that! We are not going to get ahead of ourselves!"

"Ooh, we should get married!" She declares.

"Yeah!" Peppy Me eggs her on.

"And have ten kids!" Lust announces.

I frantically shake my head. "No, no, no!"

"And teach them how to dream!" Peppy calls over me. "Won't that be magical?!" She zealously demands.

"No, we are not having any kids with anybody!" I exclaim. "And Peppy, stay out of it! I'll get to you in a moment!" I fire at my other reflection. "And as for you," I turn back to Lust. "If I could, I would ground you for a month's worth of Saturdays and -" I break off as I suddenly realize I'm completely dissociating her from me. I'm kinda flipping out into Mom Mode. But I'm not her mom, I am her. And somewhere I know I feel every ounce as passionately as she does for the boy I love.

I'm not supposed to suppress anything or mask anything here in the Chamber of Reflections. That's why it's a Labor. I'm supposed to control of my wild emotions so they'll never get the better of me in the real world. I'm supposed to understand them and accept them. I take a deep breath and force myself to relax despite the calamity that still echos all around me.

"You're right," I think I surprise everyone by saying this because they all quiet down to stare at me in disbelief. Lust even points to herself and looks around as if to be sure I'm talking to her and not someone else. I smile more with amusement and shake my head. "I mean it, you're right. I obviously love Vyndren and yeah, I do kinda think about him endlessly..." I trail off with a blush at the thought of my Dark Rider. "And sometimes I get breathless imagining him thinking about me, and missing me and wanting me..."

Lust smirks and crosses her arms with an all-knowing gleam sparkling in her eye.

I roll my eyes as I go on. "Of course I dream about what it'll be like seeing him again after these Labors...that is if I survive," I shrug. Lust rolls her eyes. "You better believe I've never felt the dizzying high I feel whenever I'm in his arms, and I know you know just how wildly I...I crave his touch. I mean," I absently run my hand through my hair as I feel my blush spread across my face. "I admire everything about him. He's gorgeous, he's fearless, he's powerful, I never could have even dreamed of someone as incredible as him in my life before."