Behind My Shadow - Book Three

17. Give Me a Reason & Don't Say No

"Adara?"

I startle when I hear Sofiena's soft voice.

"It's alright, it's just me," she says gently and now sits beside me on the ground at the end of the wisteria tunnel.

I had almost forgotten I'm still within the Shrine. It feels like all of Raetri is stretching before me. If I squint, I can even see the Palace in the distance across the gardens. The only thing that really indicates that I'm not in the real world is the sempiternal coral glow that hovers around everything and the plates of diamonds situated across the twilight sky.

"I-I'm sorry," I sniffle and anxiously wipe my nose.

"It's alright, love," she smiles more and delicately dabs my tears away with her fingertips. "There... Good as new," she winks.

I wearily laugh with disbelief. "No... Everything is far from being good. I've ruined everything, Sofiena," I hug my knees to my chest. "I've ruined my chance to pass this Labor. Yvett thinks I'm some kind of a weak-willed monster - oh, and she called me selfish because I want to find my mom. I mean..." I sigh with pain. "Is she right? Am I really such a horrible person?" I turn to look at her.

Unlike me, she glows like the rest of the spiritual world around us. She grins a bit and slowly shakes her head. "You're not a monster, Adara. And you're definitely not a horrible person. You're a very special person that tries to find goodness in everyone. That's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just...something to be careful with."

"I get it," I nod. "Don't go trusting everyone and whatever, believe me, I've learned that since I've been here." I rest my chin on my knees. "So now what? Do I just wait until the hour's up? My Labor doesn't get complete and then what? I die at midnight, right?" I swallow hard, willing myself not to dissolve into another hysterical panic attack. I've already had one. The brave thing to do would be accept my fate with some dignity. I just try not to think about everyone I love and failed.

"It's never too late, my dear," she softly tells me.

"You're kidding, right?" I shake my head with disbelief. "Yvett absolutely loathes me and I'm sure she's still back there right now telling the other girls how badly I'd run Raetri into the ground if I got the Throne."

Sofiena shrugs a shoulder but now smiles a bit. "Y'know something? I think the two of you have a lot in common."

"Me? And Yvett?" I slowly blink. "Well, at least when I die at midnight, I can have a good laugh on my way out c'uz that's some joke right there, Sofiena. Yeah, Yvett and I are a lot alike." I force a laugh and grimly shake my head.

"It's true, and I think that's what scares her. She doesn't want you to make the same mistakes she did when she had the Throne of Swords."

I furrow my brow. "Hey...she never did tell me what her reign was like. Everyone else did."

"Her reign was far from easy..." Sofiena hesitates before she goes on. "Raetri was so enraptured with their first Alice -the Alice- that they started to quell when she passed the Vorpal Throne to her daughter. Yvett was very lighthearted back then, with boundless curiosity and was full of hope."

"She sure isn't that way now." I huff.

"No..." She quietly agrees. "Rebellions kept rising up against her, they became increasing more and more violently until finally she was forced into war with her own persons. She turned to her closest friends for help in those dark times. Lore was her oldest and dearest friend, he was her lover and confidante, and she trusted him more perhaps than anyone else in the world."