Red Lace

Chapter 60 - Finale

NTANDOYETHU BANDILE MNGUNI

I don't think there is a sane person that randomly woke up one day and took a conscious decision to start doing coke. I know I didn't. It all started after my break up with Lola, I'm not blaming her because it was my choice to do drugs but it started there. I went from smoking just weed to exploring and needing something stronger, something that would knock me out, something to help me cope, to help me function and that's exactly what coke did. We were at a club one day when I bumped into my old high school mates, we were chilling and drinking and they were doing coke, figured I'd try it out just to experiment. Nothing too hectic, I didn't imagine I would be addicted and need it to cope, need it to function until I needed it to get through the day. It helps me forget everything, it helps me live and get through the day. Lord knows I didn't want this to happen, I heard Adeyemi's warning but when I was alone and in my room. I couldn't hold back and knowing that she was coming over to our home for dinner, I just needed something to get me through the night. Its unfortunate that dad walked in on me just as I was busy snorting, I am grateful that Ntando heard my cries and got mom else dad would have killed me. We are downstairs and she is helping me clean up.
"I've never seen dad that angry before, you've really done it now!" Ntando says wiping my nose with the cloth in her hand.
"He's being dramatic," I spit out angrily. She shoves me painfully. My entire body is in pain right now.
"Really Ntandoyethu? Cocaine?" Nichume asks barging into the lounge angry. "What the hell were you thinking?" she asks.
"I wasn't thinking," I respond.
"Clearly because why the hell would you bring drugs into the house? I have babies in this house," she says and I chuckle.
"They are babies, they can't even crawl for heaven's sake. Stop being dramatic!" I retort and she storms out angrily. I don't bother going after her. Nichume can be unnecessary when she pleases yoh and mna I don't have the time for her drama.

MIHLALIKAZI TSHAWE MNGUNI

I never would have ever thought I would be begging my husband not to murder our son, my son. I have never seen Khaya this angry before, ever and trust me the triplets have provoked him before but it was never enough to make him whip out his belt and beat them even at times he wished he would hit them but he's never it them because we made a conscious decision to not hit them when they are wrong but instead to find another means of punishment and to at least talk it through but this time around its bad. I sit him down on the bed.
"What did we not do for him Hlali? Where did we go wrong?" Khaya asks so helplessly. I unwrap the belt around his hand and kiss his knuckles.
"Maybe it has nothing to do with us and how we raised them. Khaya you have been an amazing father to those children. Not once have you ever made them feel like they were not yours. You didn't do anything wrong, Yethu is probably going through some things he can't talk to us about, I don't know but we'll only know when we sit down with him and talk it out," I say to him but he doesn't seem convinced. This has really hurt him badly.
"Still, I mean Yethu knows he can talk to us about anything. We've created a safe space for all of them to be able to talk to us when things get too hard. Have we not been there enough for him? Did we focus too much on Nichume that the other's felt ignored?" he asks all these questions I have no answers to.
"We should cancel the dinner," I suggests.
"We not cancelling the dinner. Ntandoyethu is going to a rehab centre today and I will drive him there myself. Today is about the twins and celebrating them making it to three months and for once having a family dinner," Khaya responds.
"Whats a family dinner if one of the family is missing, huh? Its not fair that he will be in rehab while we celebrate," I argue.
"Mihlali this is not up for discussion." He says sternly, "Ntandoyethu deserves to be punished for what he did," he says.
"And you beat him up Khaya, that's punishment enough." I argue. Yes, I want Yethu to get help but we can do that tomorrow.
"I'm not doing this with you. I will take him to the rehab centre with or without your support on this. Ntandoyethu needs help. The fact that he can bring those things into my house says a lot about his condition. You can pack his clothes for him or I'll ask Ntando to do it," He says and walks out of the room leaving me helpless on the bed. There's no arguing with Khaya when he gets like this. He is angry and disappointed, not a good combination. I look around the room and the powder is still on the table partitioned and ready to be snorted. I go to his bathroom and get a cloth to clean the mess up with tears threatening my eyes. What did I not do for him? Where did I go wrong as a mother? I just wish I could understand where things went south. I sit on the chair and let the tears run down my cheeks because I can no longer hold them back anyway.
"Mama ndiyaxolisa," (Mom, I'm sorry) Its Yethu's voice. I raise my hand and see him in the mirror. He is standing by the door holding his ribs. Khaya did a number on him.
"Why?" I ask him.
He shrugs and walks in to sit on the bed, "Everything became too much to handle. You were in hospital, dad was in hospital, Adelola killed our child and she messed with my head. It was all just too much to handle. I wanted something to escape reality for a bit. Something to numb the pain, to numb the thoughts and to just forget. I never intended for things to get this far Ma, I swear. I didn't do it to hurt you or dad or the family. I just wanted the pain to go away."
"Lola was pregnant?" I ask him and he looks down and nods, he's now crying because his shoulders are moving up and down.
"She had our baby killed in some ritual they do in that place," he responds.
"Dad said to come and pack Yethu's bags," Ntando says standing by the door.
"I'll do it myself baby. Please excuse us," I say and Ntando nods closing the door behind her. I walk over to sit beside him and pull him into my arms. I know what pain he is feeling because I have been there. Losing a child is painful and there is no cure to that kind of pain, there are no meds or drugs that can numb that pain.
"Losing a child is a loss pain that has no cure to it, I would know. I lost two of them and my husband all at once. I know it hurts but there's no pills or medication that can make the pain go away. There's no permanent solution to the pain, we just learn to live with it." I say and kiss his head. "You know, there are times when I forget what they looked like and it hurts so badly. Times when I'm too happy and I find myself beating myself up for being happy because it means I've moved on and I no longer feel the pain of losing them and I find myself getting depressed over their deaths and me being happy and going on with my life without them or without thinking about them. The pain never goes away Yethu, we just learn to live with it. Lola loved you but unfortunately her culture and her traditions dictate that things be done the way they were. I am sorry that you had to go through this and I really wish you would have spoken to your father and me. Maybe we wouldn't have changed anything but we would have gotten you help, someone to talk to." I say brushing his back.
"I don't want to leave home," he says with hiccups.
"I know baby but your father has made his mind up and he is not going back. We will visit you every weekend," I assure him. He sits up with his tear stained face.
"I'm sorry Mah," he repeats.
"I know baby. Now lets get you all packed up,"