Back and Forth (A Castle Fanfiction)

Thinking Forward, Going Back

A few days later, Kate stood at the steps of her old home, staring at the familiar white door, hesitant to even hope for a good scene on the other side. With no one to guide her, going in on her own, showing up unexpectedly, she wasn't sure whether to be more concerned about finding her father passed out in a pile of beer bottles, or seeing him upright with a clean smile, thinking clearly and able to respond to her odd and... concerning request. She took a minute before she rocked, but when she did, she felt relief in seeing her father, completely sober, open the door. "Katie," the man greeted with a bright smile, "Come in, come in." Once she followed his instructions, he asked, "What's up, sweetheart? What are you doing here?"

She struggled to tell him, "I need to ask you to do something for me."

"Anything," he grinned.

With severity in her eyes, "Given how well he knows you, I have a feeling Rick will talk to you before he does anything, and I need you to tell him no." He blinked, trying to work this out in his head, but couldn't. He had to tell her he wasn't following. She breathed a moment and finally stated outright, "If and when Rick asks you if he can ask me to marry him, or if he bring up marriage in any way, I need you to tell him no."

Meanwhile, as Kate was doing what she did best in trying to ensure she went about life as a lone wolf, Rick was playing his role, and doing the exact opposite. As he sat in his loft and his daughter napped upstairs, his mother sat and told him out right, "If she doesn't feel comfortable, she doesn't feel comfortable, Richard. You can't force the girl to marry you."

"I'm not talking about marriage, mother, I'm just talking about emotional availability. That's all I want. Emotional availability and some form of commitment."

"Richard, to every woman on the planet, in this situation that you're in now, that is marriage. That's the next step, and she's not ready for it yet."

"Well- I'm not either. My divorce just barely got finalized four months ago. I don't want to leap into another marriage."

"Have you told her that?"

He hesitated to think. "No, I- I guess not."

"Well, I suggest you do so, kiddo. There's no benefit in being on the same page if you and she don't know where you both are. She's scared. I get it. So tell her you aren't ready for that step either."

"Katie, how can you possibly not be ready," Jim partially chastised his daughter.

She told him sheepishly, "I'm just- not."

"You're over six months pregnant with his kid, living with him, and raising his daughter. How are you not ready?" She swallowed and didn't say a word. She knew what she wanted to say, but it hurt too much to voice. He then finally sat back down on the chair before her, telling her gently, "I understand how difficult this must be for you, Katie, really, I do. I don't know how you can even function given everything you've been through, and you're handling all of this so well. It's incredible, honestly. You're- you're so strong and I am so proud of you for that. But what you're asking me to do, it's not what you want, Katie. This is fear, not something rational. You're ready for this. You just don't want to be. What you're doing right now, it's exactly what you were doing to yourself before you saw your son's first ultrasound. You never wanted to give him up for adoption just like you don't actually want to bail on the writer. You're just scared, and there's nothing to be scared of."

The girl swallowed, her brain telling her there was a whole future to be scared of. The more people she cared about, the more people there were in her life, the more likely it would be that she would be hurt again. Caring about her son felt like fear enough, but- adding on Rick and his daughter felt like she was just tempting fate to toss a curve ball. She couldn't escape this, though. She couldn't possibly go on in life without him there, and as long as he was there, she would always have feelings for him. She would always love him. And his daughter. And their son. Still, she told her father, "I don't want to do this."

"I know. But you have to. And trust me, whatever happens next, it will all be worth it, Katie. Every time we let ourselves love someone, it's always worth it."

The girl then half laughed, "When did you get all philosophical on me?"

He smiled. "Rehab works wonders."

Later that evening, slightly later than usual, Kate walked through the door into the loft, smiling as Alexis ran at her, declaring, "Mommy!" Her smile was so bright every time she said it, Kate couldn't possibly ask her to stop. She loved seeing Alexis grin that massively too much.

"Hey sweetheart! How was your day?"

"Gram came over," She stated happily.

"She did? Did you play with Gram for long?"

"No. She and daddy needed to talk."

This earned Rick a puzzled look. "What about?"

"Nothing," he said with a half smile, still sitting on the couch.

Kate then asked with a grin, "Your leg still hurt, babe?"

"How did you know," he questioned, not really serious.

"Gee, I wonder," she sarcastically replied. "That's what you get for playing Jedi in the shower."

"Hey, I only fell because you scared me." Her brow rose. "Hang on, that didn't prove my point like I thought it would..."

Kate then put Alexis down and strolled over to her writer, whispering softly in his ear, "Too bad you're not up for it tonight. I know somewhere your lightsaber could, um... disappear... for a bit."

He looked at her with excitement, jokingly telling her, "Ooo, I'm in. Who needs marriage when you can have all this." To this, Kate made a strange face and let it slide. He seemed to be joking anyway, and Alexis wanted to play Barbie with her mom and dad. The both of them followed their little girl, but both were confused as to what the other was thinking. Kate had never expected the writer to make a joke like that, and he never thought she would actually think anything of marriage. But neither said a word. They simply played with their daughter, not realizing how many pages had been turned for them both, Kate miles ahead, Rick having fallen to prior beliefs. This could only mean one thing: he had a lot of reading to do, and she was stuck on pause, a spot she hated to be in.