Back and Forth (A Castle Fanfiction)

Torturous Thoughts

In the darkness of the hospital room as Kate slept in her bed and Rick sat silently beside her, barely awake but still unable to sleep, the world around them remained in motion. Alexis had left with her grandmother about four hours earlier, and Kate had fallen asleep some time around ten. Rick on the other hand had spent the last two hours in his mind, pondering the things he hadn't dared to think about as of yet. Kate was still young. Really young. She wasn't even twenty yet. Sure, she was probably fine in the larger scale of things, but he knew that younger woman could have more complications during pregnancy such as premature labor.

Not only that, but Kate put stress on herself. She didn't slow down. She didn't take a break. She had piled on classes in refusal to fall behind. She had just barely quit her second job, keeping her first. She got hardly any sleep between the pregnancy and the nightmares that he thought she was getting over but admitted today to her doctor that she still had at least three times a week. Kate was even tormenting herself daily by pulling out her mother's ring and just staring at it. Recently, she had admitted to pondering the idea of wearing the thing around her neck in memory.

Now, if it was anyone but Kate, he would have no issue with the ring thing, but every time she pulled it out of her jewelry box and sat on the end of their bed, she just fumed. Fury poured out of her like boiling water bursts from a geyser. Every time she held that thing, he her stress levels grew dramatically, and she slept horribly in the hours following. It was torture for her, self harm on a whole new level. And he couldn't tell her any of this. That would only mean more stress for her and him, it would mean a major fight in a semi rocky relationship, and, more than that, it would mean risking the possibility of having Kate walk out the door, or worse yet, causing the baby to be born prematurely. If that happened, Rick knew he and Kate would not survive it.

With that, he rose from her side, laying a gentle kiss along her temple, and began to roam the hospital. Somehow he had subconsciously walked himself to the nursery, and brought his glacier stroll to a halt.

Staring beyond the glass, watching the infants sleep, their chests rising and falling beneath their blankets, he smiled at the thought of being able to hold his own newborn in a few months. In the silence of the night, all he could do was think of little Henry Chase and how he would give anything to be sure he and his mother were alright.

After a short while, a man who was about twice the age of the young writer pulled up alongside the glass and stared into the nursery. He stood about four feet away from Rick and didn't make a noise for the time being. He just allowed Rick to remain in his thoughts. After a few minutes, the stranger finally asked, "Which one's yours?"

The author took a moment to pull himself out of his thoughts before replying, "Oh, um, none of them. My, ah- my fiancé went into premature labor, and they stopped the contractions, but... We're here for observations for the night."

"Ah," the man replied, turning his head and torso back toward the glass.

Rick then asked, "What about you?"

"Oh, um, my grandson is right over there in the third row, second to last on the right," the man said with a nod of his head. Rick looked toward the infant, but thought only of how young the man was to be a grandfather. He looked to be about forty-five years old at the most. He was... Young.

Just as Rick was about to ask, the man said, "I never thought I would be a grandfather at this age either. But, ah- my daughter, she- she didn't do anything wrong. It was a couple of guys at school who thought they could get away with anything. She was just- an easy target for them."

At first, Rick was silent. For a moment, he just took in those words before telling the man, "That's awful. I'm sorry."

"She's only fifteen," the man said, tears still lining his eyes. "And she told her brother a few weeks ago that Tyler is the only reason she hasn't hung herself yet. Tyler and Kevin both."

"Is Tyler the baby's name," Rick questioned gently.

"Yeah," the man replied, a smile wisping up on his lips momentarily. "Tyler Reid Daniels. He's- he's her everything. Tyler and her boyfriend, Kevin. They are her whole world."

Rick swallowed, knowing exactly what that felt like while at the same time he was unable to imagine that kind of emotional confliccalled remained silent, watching the man work through his agony, and then began to open his mouth just as a red headed young man called softly in the distance, "Mr. Daniels?"

The man turned around to see the teenager standing with a frightened look about him. "Another nightmare," the man questioned the boy. Kevin nodded. "Excuse me," the father said as he floated away. He passed the teenager, leaving the child with the more grown up child.

Rick then said as the man walked away, "You must be Kevin."

"Yeah," the young man said, "I'm- I'm Sophie's boyfriend. Who are you?"

The writer squared up to the boy, holding out his hand, "I'm Richard Castle, probably the only man in this hospital who could tell you exactly how helpless you feel right now while the girl you love is in irreparable pain and there is next to nothing you can do to stop it." The younger man sighed, a broken look coming about his lips and eyes at the writer's words. Rick then asked, "How old are you, kid?"

"Seventeen," Kevin cooed.

"How long have you been in love with that girl?"

"Since the moment I met her three years ago," the boy replied, "But we've only been dating for a year. Her brother is my best friend."

Rick then swallowed, nodding to himself, seeing how scared the kid looked, and put his hand on his shoulder. "It will be alright, kid. I promise."

"How can you be so sure," the boy questioned.

Rick then told Kevin the exact words he needed to hear. "Because I can promise you that she is in every way stronger than you, and as long as she has the will and want to smile at least once every day like I'm sure she does, as long as you can still see that light beaming in her eyes every time she forgets for a moment that the world isn't always a bright and happy place, as long as she can bring herself to forget for a moment, you know that she is going to be alright. I promise." The child then swallowed hard and nodded in the same manner as the writer. Rick then took a breath and suddenly he knew exactly what he was going to do next for his love. Now it was just a matter of how.