Back and Forth (A Castle Fanfiction)

All For Her

When Kate got home after working all day, something Rick continued to disapprove of in silence after multiple discussions in which Kate basically told him there was no way in hell she was quitting her jobs, she found herself speechless, taken back by the sight of her writer standing in a dimly lit room wearing a laser-tag vest which lit up as he held up his gun to her. Kate half laughed, "Rick, what are you doing?"

Though she couldn't see it, he smiled cunningly and answered, "I've been expecting you."

"Where's Alexis," the girl questioned.

"Asleep."

"So you're wearing this get up because..."

He laughed, "I'm wearing this get up for... this." He then pulled the trigger on the laser gun, the thing making a shooting sound as he clicked the button on the radio remote to hear his perfectly planned line on his song start playing softly, "Shot through the heart! And you're to blame, darling, you give love a bad name."

As the song continued to play in the background and Kate laughed at his stupidity, he holstered the gun and swooped in toward her, wrapping his newly freed hand around her waist, his illuminated headband softly lighting their faces. "What are you doing," Kate questioned through a giggle.

Rick replied, "I'm here for your pleasure, my dear."

"Mmm, I see," Kate played along.

"How would you have me service you," the writer questioned.

Kate answered, "I don't know that you're up for the challenge."

"I'm up for... anything."

"Anything," she played. He nodded softly.

A half an hour later, Kate smiled at the man at the other end of the couch and said, "That's good. Thank you, Rick."

He answered, "All that build up for a foot massage."

"Was it everything you imagined," she teased.

He watched her face light up and said, "Your pleasure is my pleasure."

"Such a good man," Kate replied. "So, is Alexis really asleep?"

The writer nodded. "I put her to bed around eight. Remind me again what took you so long to get home tonight."

"Jamie needed a night off and I told her I would cover for her."

"She let you do that?"

"After much insistence that being pregnant didn't cripple me as much as you all seem to think it does, yes." The writer then sighed and took her jab without arguing. He didn't want to have that debate again. It was pointless anyhow.

He quickly changed the subject. "So, I talked with Javi today."

"Oh yeah? What about?"

"Apparently Cavin was worried about you. He said you were flinching a lot a couple days ago and acting strange. Javi wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine," she insisted with a half smile.

He didn't one hundred percent believe her, but she was never one hundred percent fine. She was still working day by day, trying her hardest to get over things. The nightmares had started to disappear, though she still got them. Being near him helped though, and they were starting to get to a manageable place even when she did have them. And if he was being honest with himself, Rick knew that she would always insist that she was fine, but he was starting to figure out what was truly fine to a point where she could handle it, and what was "fine" but actually closer to agony and misery.

He then leaned over, telling her, "I know. Now, I say we go into that room back there, strip naked, soak in the bath for an hour, talk about the baby, and then get some much needed shut eye."

"That sounds good in theory, but if you try anything, I will just get up and leave."

"I just finished rubbing your swollen feet for a half an hour. Trust me, I won't try anything. I love you, but after that, I promise I won't do anything unsanitary." Kate then rolled her eyes as Rick stood and helped her up.

While the two of them sat in the tub, Rick's arms around Kate as she cuddled lightly into his chest, the writer finally found his opening to work in the conversation he was dying to have. "So, you know, I was thinking about the future, and- I was wondering what you thought about maybe getting a dog once the baby's old enough. Maybe when he's two or three."

"That's kind of far away, don't you think," Kate replied softly, her eyes closed as she rested on the writer.

He agreed, "Yeah, but, I mean, I guess getting a dog would depend on how many kids we wanted, right? Like, did we want three? Or are we good with just two?"

For this, Kate opened her eyes and asked, "Where is this coming from?"

"No where. I just saw Alexis playing with a puppy today and I thought she and the baby might like having one around later on."

"Rick, I know you mean well, but let's be perfectly clear here. This baby was an accident. A happy accident, and accident that I love, but an accident nonetheless. And as much as I love you and I love Alexis, I don't want to set anything in stone yet because I'm nineteen. This relationship, as great as it has been, could take a horrible turn at any time, and this all started before you were even filing for a divorce, which doesn't instill total confidence in me wanting to rush into marriage, not that your divorce was your fault or wasn't warranted. I just don't want to leap to do anything we aren't ready for. I love you, truly, I do, but I'm not ready for marriage, and I'm not ready to talk about the future. For now, I'd rather just focus on this baby and his safety and happiness. Okay?"

He watched the severity and slight desperation in her eyes. It was obvious she wasn't ready to even think about these things. It was obvious all of this was in his head, not in hers. She loved him, and he knew she did, but she wasn't thinking about marriage. She was thinking about her son's needs, what was best for him, and whether she would be able to take care of him if she no longer had the writer or not. She wasn't thinking about marriage. She was still stuck in the idea that this wasn't going to last, because to her it seemed that everything that made her happy was temporary, including her writer.

She didn't dare believe this could last, because that would mean she would be able to be happy for the rest of her life. It would mean she could have something truly good in her life, and she didn't deserve that privilege. She deserved to have what she had had with her father before Rick saved her. She deserved to have to work until she could no longer stand just to provide for her son. Because of what she allowed to happen to her mother, because of what she allowed to happen with her mother's case, because she allowed her father to become what he once was, she lost the right to be happy, but her son hadn't, and to her, that was the only focus of her life. Her son was the only thing that mattered because her son deserved to have the world she could never have, and she would make sure he had it one way or another, with or without the writer by her side. She couldn't count on his eternal support. All she could count on was herself, and she would spend her whole life making sure her son never had to feel the way she did. That was all she could count on, and that was the only future she saw because, as much as she loved Rick, she knew love didn't mean forever. Love only meant eventual heartbreak.