sturniolo triplets !! oneshots

anxiety disorder-nick

tw: panic attacks, anxiety

i was in a bathroom stall in starbucks as i dismissed myself from the table with my brothers and madi. my chest was tight and my vision was blurry.

we're on tour and we stopped at a starbucks before the show but my body wasn't sitting right with me.

i tried to focus on my breathing, bringing my knees to my chest and resting one hand on my chest, for comfort. i really needed to get past this.
that was until phone started buzzing.

"hey nick?" it was chris, his voice slowly calming me. "hey" i blurt out, breathlessly. "are you alright? you've been in there a long time?" i pause for a moment and look at the time. shit i'd been in here for 10 minutes. "yeah i'll be out now, just fixing my hair and stuff" i lie. although my hair did look shit, so i should probably fix it before i head out. so it doesn't look like i completely made it up. 

whilst i was tiding my hair, i looked at myself in the mirror, i looked a mess. i looked so mentally drained, my eyes were bloodshot from my tears, and my chest was still heavy. i put on my brave face and walked out. preparing myself for the shit ton of questions i was about to receive.

"hey nick" matt says first, the only one noticing me. i'd realised that a few more people had shown up to join us at the table, larray and nailea. "hey nicolas" larray says and stands up and hugs me. "what are you guys doing here?" i say trying to act normal. "thought we'd come by the show tonight, and hang out for a bit today?" i smiled and acted casual, not like i was struggling or anything. but if anyone would notice, it would be Larray. "yeah that sounds great" i say, trying to sound enthused, i was actually. i was quite happy they were here to hang out and watch the show. it might distract matt and chris from being worried about me, or asking me loads of questions like yesterday, since i was the same again, as i am today.

"everything good?" larray asks me, as we leave starbucks and head to our tour bus. "yeah" i say smiling. "just a little tired" i say, acting it off, and trying to brush off this feeling i was holding onto. "i can't wait to see the bus!" larray says, running off to matt and chris. leaving me with madi and nailea. "how've you been nick?" nailea asks me, stepping onto the bus. "i've been good thanks nai" i say, which isn't all lies, just this week i've took a turn for the worst i guess. "what about you?" i ask, getting on the bus. "i've bee okay" she says smiling. "good" i reply.

after everyone is on the bus, i feel a bit out of it, and a bit lost and stressed and enclosed and my heart starts to race once again, and that silly, stupid and familiar feeling comes back in my chest, once again. i take a few deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling, trying to take my time, and not worry about what's going on around me. which i didn't know, was Larray talking to me. "hey nick?" he says. i can hear him but i can't respond. and suddenly i can't feel my legs anymore. "are you good nick?" i hear another voice. and that was it, i was gone.

the last thing i remember was my feet giving up and my legs starting to shake and tremble and my knees hitting each other. and then i woke up.

"what happened?" was the first thing i said. "it's okay you're okay" Larray says. i was in his arms. "i got you" he says calmly and quietly, trying not to scare me, but i was freaking out. it's never got this bad before. "nick what's going on buddy?" matt asks me, sitting down beside me. "what do you feel like?" chris asks. "don't ask him too many questions guys" nailea adds. and then i look at madi, who's in the corner of the room. she looks mortified and like she's going to burst into tears. "come here mads" i say, causing the whole room to draw attention to her.

i sit up from Larray's lap, who greatfully caught me, after i think i passed out. i sat madi on my lap and hugged her and reassured her i was alright, as i know she's gone through this herself, and she's seen it with matt too. "you scared us Nick" Larray says. "yeah sorry guys" i kinda laugh. "don't be, it happens" nailea adds. i chuckle. "it shouldn't happen though" chris says, making it serious again, which i hated. "i'm fine chris" "it's not normal nick, i went through it, and that's when i found out i had anxiety" he says. "yeah i know" i say sadly. "you're gonna be okay nick" "yeah, i will be i've got you guys" "and you always will nick" madi says.

and that was that, we were all in a massive hug together. holding each other like there was no tomorrow, making sure everyone knew we had each other, always.