sturniolo triplets !! oneshots

addiction-matt

TW sh, anxiety, blood

if anyone is going through this i am here for you, i understand. you're very loved and appreciated in this world. i promise.

again. one more time. 3rd times a charm? again. come on one more won't hurt. i felt the tears stream down my face as i watched the blood pour out my wrists, it felt so good, it made me feel painless. i was used to the sting. "hey? Matt you there?." "2 seconds!." I yelled from my bathroom hearing one of my brothers at my bedroom door. I threw on a fresh love sweatshirt hid the blade and was greeted to nick and my dinner. "oh thanks Nick." I shut the door again, before he could say anything. I didn't want him to see anything off with me, for if he stared at me long enough.

i placed the dinner down on my desk and went back to the bathroom. i did it again. maybe another. and another. i may have gone for a fourth. i did it again. even number so i went for 6. i closed my eyes whilst i did it all. just counting the times i was relieving myself. i looked down and the sight of my arm made me gag. i think i went too deep. i flung my head over the toilet and threw up from the sight of myself. my bathroom looked like a crime scene.

i rinsed my arm under the tap and inspected it for a while. sometimes i'll stare wondering why i did it. and i'll get sad. or sometimes i'll stare and be happy that i put myself through it. but today felt different. i stared and felt nothing. nothing at all. i literally had no thoughts. it's like i was completely brainwashed. i forgot everything for a whole minute. but once i overcame that weird feeling, i felt myself tremble. the whole world went quiet, and the only thing i could hear was my heart beating. even through my ears i could hear it. i knew what was happening. i clung on to the end of my shirt, tugging at it for breath. i paced around my bathroom and through my room angrily, knocking stuff down, not hearing the racket i was making, which stressed me out more. the only thing i could focus on was how fast my heart was beating. i ran back to the bathroom once again and picked my closest friend at the moment and started doing it more, more and more. but it was really bad this time. worse than usual. blood smeered on the sink, the tap, the shower, the edge of the bath and even my shirt. it looked like a murder had happened once again. i don't know what had gotten into me. i was so scared. but i couldn't express it. i just looked at myself in the mirror and realised how helpless i looked.

i went into my bedroom after my heart calmed down and saw the mess i made, ignoring the two bodies sat on my bed in disbelief. i picked up my keyboard, for my computer, and threw it at my window out of anger, causing a crack to appear. making me cry even heavier than i was before. i looked over, once i felt eyes on me, and nick and chris looked scared of me, that never happens. i couldn't get any words out. usually i'd say sorry. but i looked down at my room and my sweatshirt and saw the blood everywhere.

after the few minutes of pure silence that wasn't so silent, nick spoke up. "matt...what happened?" nick looked horrified. "matt this is a mess, look what you've done to your room" chris adds, just as petrified as nick. and there it was..."i'm so sorry" i bit my lips out of anxiety and perched on the edge of my bed trying not to scare my brothers. "matt what did you do...why was there so much blood on you?" nick said. i didn't reply. chris got up and inspected my room and the bathroom and he came out almost crying. "chris what's wrong buddy?" nick said pulling him into a hug, as he noticed how serious his facial expressions were. "nick go look at the bathroom and prepare yourself, because i know you don't like blood..." chris said voice cracking. nick slowly got up from my bed, eyeing me up on his way over to the door, confused, as he creaked the door open, scared to know what was inside. whilst this was happening, chris looked at me with pure concern, confusion, sympathy, and worriedness.

when nick came out he looked pale, frightened and overall, awfully sick. "nick are you alright?" i asked. "i think you should be asking yourself that" nick said tears in his eyes. "matt how about we go to the couch?" "okay" i knew they were gonna get it out of me somehow, i had no way of escaping this time.

"i'll be there in a minute" nick said whilst chris signaled me out the room attempting to calm me down. at that moment i realised nicks fear of blood and i immediately turned to chris in guilt. "chris you should help nick he hates blood, i bet he's horrified" i said in a guilty voice. "it's okay bud let me get you to the couch first" chris replied rubbing my shoulder.

i felt quite dizzy and extremely uneasy, i guess from all the rage and blood loss. i lost my balance a few times before getting to the couch but i don't think chris noticed though. "sit here and stay here okay?" chris said looking at my deeply in the eyes to tell me if i go anywhere, i'm dead. i just nodded. he brought me a glass of water and rubbed my shoulder. "here have this, small sips i'm gonna go check on nick. you okay on your own?" chris says. there was pause whilst i drank some water. "yeah im okay" i half smiled to reassure chris.

chris' pov:
when i walked back to matt's room i found nick shook up and very pale. i pulled him in for a hug and rested his head on my shoulder. "i'm so worried about him chris" nick said. "so am i nick...so am i." after we sobbed for a bit at each other, and spoke about what to do next. we decided that now we'd do and gently try and get matt to talk about what happened, but not forcing it out of him and being kind about whatever it is, because at the end of the day, we're brothers and we'll always support each other, no matter what.

matt's pov
after a while of nick and chris trying to get me to tell them what's wrong and what happened, i finally gave in, letting them know that i was struggling a lot again, and needed some support, from someone more professional, not that my brothers don't help me. they understood that so much, whiz in greatful about.

i've always hated admitting that i need help, but i knew it was the right thing to do, as i knew my sacra would be there for life and i needed to stop before my habits and addictions grew stronger than they are now.