groupie

-one-

I saw you today. I watched you from the crowd like we'd always dreamt of. The spotlight was shining on you and the sound of my racing heart thumped along with the beat while you sang so effortlessly. You're still everything I remember you being, but they did change you. They changed your curly hair that always failed to behave. They changed your deep loving gaze into an intense slow burning fire. But. Deep down I know you're still in there.

I know the carefree, adorable boy I grew up with is still there. However... I don't know if I'm still there. I don't know if I'm still in that pretty little head of yours. Would it fix anything if I said I was sorry now? Would an apology make you come back? Would you even have time to? Do I even have a place in your life anymore? Or am I just a forgotten piece of your past? Something you discarded to make room for the memories the spotlight brings?

It hurts a bit. It hurts seeing you living your dream—our dream. It hurts knowing I stood next to you through all your pain and suffering leading up to your very first concert. It hurts knowing you were never there for mine—never knew my first concert was even happening.

Standing there in the crowd—in the front row—so close to you yet so far—I saw you smile. I saw the sparkle in your eyes—the happiness that radiated off of you. What happened to that sparkle belonging to me? You told me I was the only one who could ever make you that happy, but now I'm gone. I'm gone from your life and you're still happy. You're shining even brighter without me.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day I finally get to achieve my own dream of standing on stage. The only problem is it's not beside you. I'm not standing next to my best friend. My other half. I'm not even sure how I feel about it knowing you won't even notice me. Even if I stood in the center of the stage and the only person in the crowd was you—would you see me? Could you see me through the filter the idol life gifted you?

Do you remember how you'd sneak out of your dorm to come see me after practice? It'd be after midnight and you'd climb through my window despite the both of us having to be up early. We'd sit and talk while sitting on the roof outside my bedroom. The stars hung above us. They illuminated the dark of the night—just like how we always dreamt of lighting up the stage.

Do you remember the first day we met? We were in kindergarten. I was the girl everyone picked on—the one everyone always made fun of because she was different. You didn't. You didn't join them in their games. I knew you were different, too. Do you remember walking up to me with your outstretched hand? Do you remember introducing yourself with the biggest and dorkiest grin? Do you remember holding my hand and leading me inside? Do you remember how it felt being my knight in shining armor?

Do you remember how it felt when w—

"Chae?" A soft tap on the door startles EunChae, causing her to slam her journal shut in a panic.

Her head snaps in the direction of the voice, her eyes settling on a boy with disheveled chocolate hair. Rubbing at the back of his neck, he hesitantly glances up at her. Their gazes meet and he stuffs his hands in his pockets before kicking at the ground.

"Did I interrupt something?" SeungMin asks, slowly making his way toward her bed. He leaves the door standing wide open, a rule they all obey even if it's a nuisance.

"Nothing. Just—just writing." EunChae slips her journal back onto her shelf between the albums she always curses herself for buying.

"We were gonna watch a movie. None of us can sleep. We're too anxious about tomorrow. You wanna watch with us?" SeungMin questions, falling down at the end of her bed while a freckled face boy hurries to join them.

"We don't have to watch a movie. We can just talk. Do you think that friend of yours is gonna come see us tomorrow? I mean—it only makes sense he'd congratulate you." Felix smiles brightly, his giddy self a bit much given the time of night.