Broken (a Niall Horan love story)

Chapter 62

***Navaeh's P.O.V.***

"I read some of the workbook the other day," I sighed as I leaned back in the chair and tossed the stress ball up in the air. My eyes followed its arc and then its descent as if it was the most interesting thing to do. Dr. Posa watched me with a small smile; he had commented a little while before that about how much more comfortable I seemed in therapy. It'd been two months since we started the sessions, the trial was done, school was ending in two days and everything in life was finally settling down. Niall was getting back from an interview in the states that day and he had been gone for a whole week so I was more than happy to have him back.

"Is there anything that you read that you'd like to talk about?" he wondered as he sat there and drummed his fingers against the arm of the chair. He had a habit of doing that whenever he was thinking about something to say; it was sometimes annoying but it wasn't too difficult to ignore.

"Kind of..." I trailed off a bit at the end as I collected my thoughts, "I got to a part of the book where it talked about physical intimacy and it got me thinking about this feeling that I've been having lately." I said the words slowly; the subject was something that I was expecting to be awkward since Dr. Posa was a male. I just had to push aside the discomfort if I really wanted answers. Seriously, Niall was coming home that day and I wanted to have everything sorted out before then.

Dr. Posa's head tilted ever so slightly as he looked at me, "what feeling would that be?"

Once the stress ball had come back to me after I had thrown it the last time, I kept it in my hands and picked at it a little bit. With a small hesitation still in my words, I told him, "well, it's kind of hard to explain, but... sometimes Niall touches me." Dr. Posa sat up a little straighter at that and a concerned look crossed his face. Quickly, I went on in order to put his assumptions at ease. "I don't mean anything bad; nothing inappropriate or anything like that. Just a little hug or a small kiss on the forehead before we go to sleep. But it feels like something big, you know. It feels nice and I like it and sometimes... sometimes I wish he would do more." There was a slight blush on my cheeks when I finished the thought and a glance at Dr. Posa showed me that he was settling down.

"More?" he questioned with that air of curiosity that I had been expecting from him. He was pushing me to better explain the word and I couldn't help but to blush a little more.

"I-I don't know," I shrugged, "just more."

"Have you ever discussed this with him?" If I had been drinking something I would have spit it out at that moment like they did in those cheesy comedies.

"What? Oh god no," I laughed loudly at that. Tell Niall that I kind of wanted him to kiss me last week when we had been cuddled up on the couch while watching Into the Woods? Yeah, that would go really well.

Dr. Posa couldn't help but to laugh as well; my response was probably amusing and predictable to him. "But it's there?" was his question after his chuckling subsided.

I nodded, "yeah, and I don't know why."

"Well, when you were growing up you were exposed to two different kinds of interactions. You were shown regular, familial affection and then you were introduced to a more mature and sexual interaction because of your step father. Do you think it's possible you're trying to choose between the two affections when it comes to Niall?" that question took a little bit longer to answer; I had to think about it for a while before I finally managed to come to a conclusion.

"I never really thought about it that way, but I guess that would explain some of it. Is that... normal?"

Dr. Posa nodded before speaking once again, "many survivors of childhood sexual abuse can cope with certain situations in a sexual manor because that's what they've been exposed to through the abuse."