Broken (a Niall Horan love story)

Chaptet 73

***Navaeh's P.O.V.***

Christmas morning passed by much like it had the following year. Niall's knee was still sensitive but he went to mass with the rest of us and seeing him in his little suit was nice. We were all beyond tired though; maybe it was because we had all been up late the night before or maybe it was because the skies were grey, bleak, and lulling.

Niall had gone into the kitchen to help Maura make the Christmas dinner which left me to talk with Denise and Greg. I didn't mind talking to them; his whole family was pretty interesting and Greg knew a lot about law and history to keep the conversation going by throwing in some crazy fact. Since Theo was down for a nap, we were able to just sit around for a good hour or so. It only came to an end when Denise had to go get Theo because he started to wake up and fuss.

I decided to check in on Maura and Niall in the kitchen since my time with Greg and Denise had been cut short. Chris was in there with them too; he sat off to the side with a newspaper and it seemed like he had been bantering with Niall right when I walked in. Maura was sticking the Chicken in the oven and Niall was holding some potatoes as he waited for her careful instructions. Leaning on the doorway, I decided to just stand by and watch the cute little scene in front of me for a moment or two.

"Uh oh, almost stepped on ya mum; you're just so tiny," Niall nudged Maura with his elbow gently as he stepped past her in order to get to the sink. She hit his arm playfully and he almost dropped one of the potatoes at the hard hit. That loud laughter of his filled the whole entire kitchen and managed to make everyone laugh as well. Even I couldn't help but to giggle a little. I loved him and his laugh.

There was that odd feeling back when Niall and I were back in America for the Billboard Awards, that feeling that I couldn't quite explain even though I had tried every day since then. It was a sort of warmth that just managed to soothe your whole body yet make you shiver at the same time with a kind of anticipation that was too good to handle. It made your stomach flip for no good reason at all and it made the hairs on your arm stand up as if you had just taken a bite out of a chocolate bar. The feeling had hit me in gentle waves back in America, but it was hitting me like a firetruck as I leaned on that doorway.

Then, the so elusive word suddenly flashed through my mind as if it had always been there in the fashion of a bright neon sign but was just now being turned on. Love. Fuck, Addison was right when he said that I had feelings for Niall. They weren't just feeling, though. No, feelings sounds like something dainty, something easy to get rid of if you try hard enough. Now love... love is much bigger than feelings. It's like a big marble monument that demands attention and is there to stay forever. And it's so damn scary.

I was practically shaking as I finally put the pieces together in my mind. My eyes were glued on Niall as he stood at the sink and washed off the spuds with those slightly calloused hands of his. I was incredibly lucky that I hadn't burned a hole in his back from the intensity in my gaze. Honestly, I don't think that I had ever sworn so vehemently in my head before that moment.

I was in love with my best friend. I was in love with Niall.

The words were so foreign in my head and I didn't imagine that they would sound any better out loud. With the shock still making it hard for my brain to process anything else but the new revelation, I backed away from the kitchen. Slowly, I made my way back to the living room. Faintly, I could hear Greg and Denise down the hallway as they were trying to calm a crying Theo with toys and such. I fidgeted almost... violently in an attempt to calm my mind.

Part of me wanted to jump for joy and the other part of me just wanted to get as far away from Niall as possible. Both were viable responses, I guess. I could handle the situation with a somewhat forced ease until I was able to talk to Niall about my feelings and maybe figure things out that way. Then, there was the much easier action of distancing myself from Niall and pretending like the feelings weren't there at all. I could skirt around the issue or address it directly... the decision was difficult.