Realizing

Smoking

"Mom, have you ever like smoked or drank in college?" Kelsey asked jumping into her car, after school. "Um, I've had my share, yes. A couple of guys asked me if I wanted to try their weed. But it wasn't good at all." Kelsey, surprised she even admitted, kept the conversation going, "Wasn't good as in the taste or-" Her mom turned the radio off, "Well, the taste, and if you think you have anxiety now, just see how much worse it would get if you had your share." Kelsey looked at Ann, "Mom, I already have really bad anxiety," She said, "So, you're saying it's not even bad for you, like you can't actually die." "It is bad for you-" "But you cant't die?" "Kelsey, I don't know! It's just not good, okay?" Kelsey put her earphones in for the rest of the ride home. They weren't plugged into her phone.

Bea walked into her kitchen where her mother, Maria, was standing there cooking dinner. "Hey mom?" Bea asked, trying to hide her hatred for the woman behind a chippy-toned voice. "Yes?" Her mother answered. "I think I left my charger in your car.. Can I go check?" Bea asked with a huge, fake grin. "Yes, just remember to lock the doors." She answered, and continued cooking dinner. Bea sneaked into her mom's car, careful not to slam the doors. She reached over to the driver's door and in the side compartment, were her mother's Marlboro cigarettes. Bea stared at the box of cigarettes, lined with silver. She opened the box, counted how many were inside, and grabbed one for herself. She placed the box back where it was before and locked the doors.

Later, Kelsey's friend texted her, "Kels, do you want to go smoke?" Kelsey then became excited, especially since earlier that afternoon she got into another fight with her mother and she really wanted to leave. She replied, "Okay. Where?" getting the reply back, "SFMS" which was their old middle school. They met at the school, it was about to be 8:00p.m. They smoked some weed, sprayed axe all over, swooshed some minty mouthwash in their mouth, spit it out, and walked home. Kelsey's throat hurt because of how much she hit, though she wasn't and didn't get high at all. Though it did get her mind off things. She got home, took a shower, got into pajamas and slept.

Bea had kept the cigarette in her drawer for a whole week. She was waiting for the perfect time to smoke it. Once her mother left for work and she was all alone with only her 9 year old brother in the house, she went into her backyard and took a lighter with her. She went behind the house and lit the cigarette, watching the smoke come out of her mouth with every puff she took. This relaxed Bea. She had so much stress in her life, and she needed this release when she wasn't trying to harm herself. When she was finished, she brushed her teeth, washed her hands, and took a shower. Then, she just went on with her normal night.

A few days later Kelsey came to see that her mother still smoked cigarettes. She found the pack in her purse, took two, invited the same friend to go with her and smoke them. After this, they decided that smoked cigarettes wasn't worth it because they actually can give you cancer, make your teeth horrible, and many other things. The next day Kelsey took one more and smoked it because her mom made her mad and she wanted to go get some fresh air alone, with the cigarette that "takes away stress" but also takes away your lungs. She promised herself no more cigarettes.

As Kelsey got sad, she didn't really go for her blade anymore, but she went to her mom's purse to grab another cigarette. She felt bad because she told herself no more, but it's not that she's addicted, it just did take her mind off things for a while. As Kelsey stressed about homework, Ann would remind her how much she doesn't try on it. She ran to Ann's purse, to see that the box was gone. She texted her friend asking when they could smoke the "ganja" again.

Over a few weeks, Bea continued to steal the cigarettes from her mother's car. She was careful of how many she took, though. She didn't want her mother to notice many of her cigarettes gone. Again, she would just sit there, ashing her cigarette and thinking about her life.

Sad times were when Bea would smoke the most. When she was mad at her mother, she would use being angry as an excuse for herself. Though, deep down she knew that she just needed the release when she had nothing to harm herself with. "I guess this is my escape." She said, as she held the lighter up to the end of the cigarette. She puffed, blowing as much of the smoke out of her mouth as she could, watching it as it blew with the wind.

Kelsey got home again, changed out of her clothes and lay down. She felt like smoking would be another thing that didn't help with anything. And that she would just be sad again after, but she was actually pretty calm. She closed her eyes and thought about the next time she would smoke.