A/N: Those of you who know me already know who this rant is about so we're just gonna call this person "you".
I was never going to publish this. Ever. This is very personal and exclusive. While writing this, I cried, I cried a lot. I also made the stupid decision of listening to love songs while writing this...not the best choice. And worst of all most of the time I just kept listening to gasoline which drove me even more wild. Oh god, this is supposed to be a sad and depressing rant and here I am throwing refrences to Friday like Rebecca Black.
Oh yes I did. Mmmmhmmm. Kill me like I've been a bloodly fool and took a bite with ease into the wild apple CDchosen1
Ok, into the rant.
To you know who.
You get mad at me for no reason and I still liked you. You slave me everyday and I still liked you. You go after other prettier girls sometimes and I still liked you? Why?
Why did you do this? Why'd you play along?
You stole my heart and you know it. But you didn't mkae a big deal about it. I respect that.
You also know that the other man has a piece of my heart. You know he's better than you. You know that I liked him more than you. Yet you don't know I don't. I only lo- like you. I like you.
I can't resist the urge of still considering him attractive. Don't judge me. I mean at least I'm not a major play girl.
But that's not even why you get mad. You get mad because I can't help you. But I'm fine with it because you only stay mad for a day before you crawl back to me because you need me. But you don't love me. At least you don't anymore. Well, no it's not love. It's almost love. It's really really really liking. But you don't really really really like me. Or maybe you do. We both have secrets and I'm sharing this with you.
I think I almost love you.
And they say you're quote "head over heels" for me. Even one of your friends said that. But you're not. You're just a really good actor.
Or maybe you're confused like they said. Like you didn't mean for it to go so far. As if it were a mistake for you to form any feelings. I understand. I wanted to do the same thing. Whoops, mission fail I guess.
But how could you not have some feelings for me? You serenade me, you flirt with me, you make me smile, you make me laugh, you make my fingers get a tingly feeling, you make my stomach flutter with butterflies every time I see you. And oh my lord you start beat boxing in my ear, to me that makes guys so much hotter to me. You constantly stare at me and then I need to gasp for air. And then you in general, you do these adorable things that just makes me feel something...amazing. I think that's almost love, don't you?
I sometimes just take hours dreaming about you and us. Or describing your eyes, your nose, your always messy hair, and your lips. The ones that taste like ramen noodles and nachos, which for some reason I obsess over.
Then I promised and so did you.
Pinky-swear, crossing your heart, shaking on it, those are all just simple gestures. They don't mean anything, just like the words "Hey", "What's up?", "Nice shoes".
I tend to break promises... alot. Not huge ones, but small ones. Like this one time, I was supposed to help this other guy with his homework and I never did. Another time, I promised to bring back a book to my friend and I never did nor have I. Yes, these are small promises, but doesn't that just show that I'm not trustworthy of some things?
I mean you can't trust me with a book, how can you trust me with my own feelings for someone?
To answer you're question ave544 about why we aren't together, it's cause me. I broke to many promises that he maybe doesn't trust me. This whole school year which has literally only been a week, I have flirted with four different guys. He couldn't trust me with his smarts, he couldn't trust me with his love. Not saying that we couldn't work anymore, but I don't know.
Back to you.
Sometimes it feels like we've changed too much. You have a mustache now for God's sake. It's hard to describe how we've become different. All I know is that we're sinking, both of us. Sure the others have nothing on us but, I just feel like I waited to long. I fucked up and I admit it. You fucked up, you admit it, every time.
I feel like you're my "the one that got away", or at least you will be.
And then when you're gone, I'll cry. And I'll weep. And I'll sob for days with nothing but the comfort of my bae, my hoe, my mistress, and my Ramen Godess. (CDchosen1 RamenSpirit The-Bow-Master Fourtrisforever10) Oh, and can't forget icecream and nachos and gummy bears and ramen and our song. But I just won't have you. I won't have you all to myself so I can rant. I'll miss you. And I will have to move on with life, but I'll never get over you.
You're my first love
So, uh, I love you? That makes this so cliche. Whatever. You won't judge. Besides, nothing is more cliche than your attempt at flirting. You called me boo. Literally, that's just so basic, hahaha.
But I mean I like you, and you'll never see this. That's ok. Eventually I will either spill all this out. Probably next summer when it's hella late to change shit.
So, 1,000 word rant, for you. Damn. Dedictaed af.
