A/N: So this is gonna be a longgggggg ass rant but so here imma not tag the bunch of people who have heard part of this rant + extras anyways so ty ily all you guys are my faves but ya ty vodka's mom and bae and *MIAH NOT MAIA and Sacagawea and Sacagawea's sister and Chloe Jane my ubi caritos and my Xmas bae and fisting buddy and yellow crayon and ave and ean and Sav and myself bc I'm a boss ass bitch who can work through anything k ya bye munchkins be in India soon so ya and sorry for bad grammar
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I've been really hesitant to write this.
Here I go.
Today is December 2nd, 2015. It is approximately 10:30 PM. This, if ever published, won't be published till you officially leave my life in June of 2016. I'm starting this now to know if anything changes.
First off, if you didn't know, this is about YELLOW CRAYON. And if you have no idea who the hell that boy is well let's just say, he's been in some of my...wildest dreams. (Yup I need to chill.)
Dear YELLOW CRAYON,
I've been seeing real love in a different perspective for once.
I've been thinking about how I flirt with everyone other than you. When I see you, that boss ass leo confidence just runs away. I guess the lion fell for the potentially posionus bug then, not the lamb. And I think I know why I'm barely trying. I'm just trying to save myself from more of a heartbreak cause it'll be just another vivid memory that won't goddamn fade away.
And I also noticed that damn, you've been such an influence on me. I've started listening to two different artists because of you and I've goddamn started using my feelings for you when I wrote love stories. So, am I gonna be lost when you're gone?
I may seem like a generally happy person but, sometimes I shatter and crumble like towers during an earthquake. In 6th grade, I was depressed and in seventh grade I slowly got better. But...you were the reason why. I had reason to want to go to school and not stay at home as an isolated part of society. Nowadays, not a night goes by without you being the last thing I think about. You make me happy. Sometimes I wish you didn't do that cause now, I'm lost.
I get asked why I like you, and I don't know. I don't have a reason, I just do. But why do I have so many reasons I should just move on and let you go?
And I honestly used to hate cliché relationships, until I became one. Thanks babe, I appreciate that.
It's getting late now. I'll write later.
December 10th. 11:18 P.M.
Um, today, I've been lost. I've been feeling like I'm losing my writing, like it's not my thing anymore. And I've felt like I've a lost a few people who were once the closest to me. And I feel like I've lost my mind along with my happiness.
