It just felt right because It was unnecessary drama.

22(44)

I remember I had 4 encounters with foreigners that shaped my identity as a human throughout my life.

The first one was when I was around 10 maybe, a British Man waved at me and said "Hi, pretty" to me. He walked past my mother and then proceeded to wave to me. I wore my hair in corn braids.

The second would be when I was nearly 11 I think, a Nigerian Man stared at me. I waved at him, he waved at me back. I wore my hair in box braids.

The third time was when I was 12, I was queuing up to take the public bus with my mother, and A Bangladeshi Man approached me and spoke to me in his language. I blanked out and freaked, the man took a few steps back and left. My hair was untied and short to my head.

The fourth time would be when I was almost 20 being an idiot. I took the bus and paid the bus commander to stop at the next bus stop in front, he took my money and didn't hear me I guess and I didn't ring the bell for my stop(experienced it before, told and paid the bus commander to stop them at the next bus stop ahead, I proceed to ring the bell for my stop but it was broken, it never rang but yet the bus commander did stop at my stop and for that I thanked him), I thought he would stop at my stop, he didn't, I freaked out, apparently an Indonesian man make him stop at the next bus stop which he does and I got down at that bus stop instead. Now I had over the crossover to get to the other side to take a bus to my intended stop. The Indonesian tried to talk to me in Bahasa Malaysia but it was rather obvious his accent gave away he wasn't Malaysian.....he asked me how to get to his stop and I told him in all my might I didn't know how to go, then he asks me about the bus services so I told him what I knew, somehow the conversion when to me guessing his nationality and I let him tag along to his stop, he even paid me to tag along, we took the bus to my intended stop, I tried explaining again to him I could not help him, and he could get a card they use to travel via public transport at the gas station, there was one even in front of us. I couldn't get him to understand, so I gave up, from my intended stop I walked to the next bus stop(since I missed my intended stop earlier, I tried a new route to go back home) where I had to be to take the bus home, on my route home, his stop came I told him to get off at his stop.

To this day, I hope he did not die midway anywhere and reached his stop.

And also I have random ass moments where foreigners stare at me and I stare at them or it's I stare at them and they stare at me.

Let's just say...I don't like human interaction well and I don't want to understand how law and nationality work...To the great ass who divided humans by nationality.....you confuse me, congrats on that.

Let's just say in a nutshell, I am much more unstable than the FMC (Miranda Qistina Thomas) of this novel and I am trying to rationalize my madness.

Like why am I doing that?

Why is my brain like that?

Well when I asked Miranda, the girl told me I was just high...

High on what to be exact?

Sugar, Anti-Depress meds, marijuana?

There were moments when I tried self-harming and killing myself.

I think we know the basis of that.

And by the age of 22, I came to a stage of life, I will live life even if death comes for me, I will kill it.

Before running off to Japan, I got into a massive fight with my mother till the point it severe our relationship, now it is just like I remember I have a mother and I have kids.

Low-cost K-Drama was fun but moving on was necessary. The past is beautiful but we need to leave the ghost of our love behind if it didn't go through.

I got bored trying to die now I just want to be a beast with immortality.

Then like always, life hates you having it quiet.