It just felt right because It was unnecessary drama.

Chapter 51

"Then this might come a little out of context, Can I ask you?", Miranda queried.

Her fingers tapped the table she was leaning against. While her other hand nearly wanted to crush the pastry she bought for us to ravish and chat away.

She looked unsettled about something. I got up and put out my cigarette. I finished my quota for today. I dusted my black pants. I usher Miranda and myself outside to the balcony. The building that I bought and am renovating by myself was previously a house. A perfect corner house. I bought the house next to it too. I will be moving soon.

"Go ahead...It weird seeing you unsure of something."

•••

"How in the fuck can you have more than one romantic partner?", was her question.

A rather late to ask question but it was intended to come soon. My mother didn't ask me and she made it clear, she acknowledges them both but only sees one of them as my husband and the other as my plaything, in reality, both are my obsession. I only got married because it meant I could prove my love.

"I am polygamous....a person in a loving relationship with many partners as long as it is consensual," I answer her taking a bite of the chocolate doughnut. It tastes like heaven.

".....", Mia was rather speechless as she drank her coffee and clutched it for dear life.

She needs to say something to me, it's already at the tip of her tongue. Just a matter of fact before she explodes.

"Let's just say, that me not having a father made me want male validation at any cost and after years it landed to me I am poly, I became desperately comfortable with the idea of being suffocated with more than one body ruining me to oblivion having my cold skin burn as my heart palpitate to keep up with the fact I am in a sexual frenzy. I became hungry for sex.", I explained rather dramatically in depth. Mia's face morphed into something. She was in deep thought.

"Do you only fixate on sex? ", there it came the question that had her scrunching her face.

"We only love the way we are taught, I was taught to love by not being kind, not saying words of affirmation, by roughly shoving food down my throat because I refused to eat but in reality, I just wanted someone to do the aeroplane trick to me, by not showing emotions or crying when I got hurt, by being strong to the extent I was only a kid who wanted to be comforted...The adults in my life taught me how to love maniacally and I learned to love by not falling in love but being comfortable with being naked and geeking out about my tattoos because my skin is my biggest canvas to someone who can sit through everything that I strom their way just because I am mentally deranged.....So why the sudden question, I assumed you never care about it as long I don't bare my heart out to the vultures", I answered grabbing my coffee with both hands and bottoming it.

Coffee and Chocolate taste like heaven when they swirl together on your taste buds.

"I am just genuinely curious how you are in a relationship with 2 men who occasionally fuck each other.....I wanted to know if you still view love as a curse."

"Miranda, I know you, it will take more than curiosity for you to understand how I function sexually, so do tell."

Mia was't exactly a fan of me being Nonbinary or being Pansexual.

She respects my decision but can't seem to understand it, why do I want to be in between the spectrum, not either one?

"When Miyaze went M.I.A, I assume Vlad would too but instead he stuck around because he loved you, boy was smitten over the heels for you, he wanted to change your past, he wanted to go back in time and approach you on those stairs, he wanted to be the thing you felt when you are laughing while you on the swing swinging without a care for the world. He wanted to be your swing, I fucking don't understand that but that's not the point here. Vlad kept in touch with me, on and off calls, and coffee hangouts, he even met Renji and my mother, and he became a brother I never had. If you listen to his voice, there is an ache in his voice to ask about you. You being the fucking menace you are, you just ghosted him "

Vlad, those memories we had.
I glanced at the tattoo on my birthmark.

"...."

"Ann"

"You could have just given him my number after I ran off to Japan"

"Ask yourself what was your mental state during High School?"

"I was being lividly unstable, the only thing that held me was me being insane, I needed to be a curious child at any cause or not I just wanted to die."

"Fair enough, the only thing that somewhat held you together was finally being seen. You were hungry for love and you hated being vulnerable and challenged."

"....."

"What was your Mental State after High School?"

School was never exactly my favourite place in the world.

"Depression"

"Please be more elaborate."

"I wanted to set everything on fire because Bambi died."

Bambi was the final straw for my sanity to snap.

"The only thing that stopped you from that was Aran. I don't want to know what transpired between you 2. You met Vlad in between these 2 stages of your life."

Aran fucked me. Well, I don't think I need anyone to know that.

"....."

I just stare at Mia. I didn't know what to say. I just hugged myself and hoped I made myself small.

"It's not fair to Vlad but your Mental health took a 360 when you ran off to Japan. I wanted to tell Vlad that but I saw you with Yukio. Vlad and you became History."

I still did and do dream for Vlad.
Vlad is better off without me.

I am forever grateful for his love.