It just felt right because It was unnecessary drama.

Kama Ariorch accept delete(9)

It was December.1month into the semester break. The air was chilly. Most kids spend time at home while the ones who handled the cold well were playing outside. High school seniors, prepared to enter University. Seniors in elementary readied themselves for the adolescents. Shopping Centre was filled with Christmas promotions. Advent was in the air. I was officially 13, just a month after turning 13.

Scrolling through Facebook, and going through the notifications till I came across a friend request.

~Kama Ariocrh accept delete

I click the request to see the account. Turn out, he is a senior at school. He looked cute. He was 17 years old.

Well, in my opinion, everyone is born pretty and handsome. Nobody is born ugly. We are created to be unique like the stars.

I accepted the request and we became friends. He was the first to text me on Messenger, I replied and it went along.

We chatted every night before we went to bed. He chatted about his recent breakup with his girlfriend. I told him, my parents were divorced. Mom is a single parent since I was 6, and my younger brother lives with my maternal grandparents while my mother works out of the home most of the time. Thus I was alone most of the time as well.

The chat escalated from kid-friendly to online grooming. At that fresh age, all I knew was, sharing nude pictures of yourself was bad. I promised my mother. And I knew the consequences of breaking a promise to my mother. She the epitome of a hysterical Indian mom. Typically Indian moms are fearful when they want to be. Anything in their sight will be used to hit you if their hand don't satisfy them. Since according to them, their kids have the skin of steel.Safe to say, my mother was the devil on two feet with anger issues. And being a resemblance my father was only increasing my chances of death. My mother hated me and love me. Since no mother could hate the flesh they brought into this world after going through 9 months of sleepless nights, mood swings, discomfort, weird cravings, and being a part of each other life but my mother's hatred for me was stronger than her love for me.

I didn't violate the promise because I knew it was bad at every cause to do it. I share pictures of me being fully clothed. The only skin that would have been visible was my face. He tried being persistent for around a week but he gave up as soon as he saw I wasn't doing what he wanted. He unfriended me. A week went by, It was a week before Christmas. My mom was at home.

My phone battery died, so I plug the charger and left to go take a bath. Coming out of the bath, the house felt eerie. It was pin-drop silent. I could hear my mother cussing and crying. It was like my sixth sense, I knew I screwed myself, and my anxiety kick in, thinking about what could have sparked an early death for me. Not exaggerating but that was what I could think of at that moment.

My phone came into my mind, I didn't delete my chat with Kama. My mother was going to kill me. I came up to mother. I was standing behind her. I saw a glance at what she was holding and my heart froze in fear. My skin went cold. My throat and lung tighten. My throat went dry. A cold shiver ran through my skin. My anxiety took a plunge into my head. I could hear my breath. Knowing my phone was in her hand.

I wish I could have just drowned myself in the shower earlier. I called out to my mom. She brought her head up and face me.

The rest was history. I didn't sleep that night. My mind was alive with thoughts of death. What my mother told me was running in my mind like a rewind tape recorder. Her actions were just as crude as her words. My body was aching in pain and so was I had my first day of menstrual, the cramps made me curl up like a fetus. I cried that night.

She nearly ripped what I was wearing to forcefully take pictures of me.

'You might as well go be a prostitute because sharing clothed photos was just as disastrous as sharing nudes. He could have photoshopped your face onto a nude body and shared it around and ruin your life. Why are you desperate for sex? Like the father, that is how the stupid daughter is. Indeed a prostitute as being a child of a rapist. Might as well send a nude picture.'

Christmas was hell for me. The new year came.

The sky was filled with firecrackers. The Christmas decorations were gone and New year decorations were up. The roads were buzzing with vehicles. The old year is gone and the new year has come. The air was slightly cold yet cosy but it had hints of warmth.

It is an old saying, start the new year with a new resolution.

I started the year by being transferred to a new school. My mother decides that would keep me safe from the Kama. I wish I could have told her, that last year was his senior year at high school. I would not be seeing him this year and besides, I am not worth his time. I felt ugly both inside and outside.

New school, new surroundings, new friends and a new me. I have experienced racism before but for the first time, I never thought I could be racist as well. My anxiety took a plunge and it worsens my dormant depression.

I have been alone and I enjoy being alone but for the first time I could hear those voices in my head.

It felt so wrong being me. "In Rome, be a Roman" that the saying.

So technically I had to be a viper to live among pythons.

°°°
It was May, the air was hot. It was the holy month of Ramadan. In Arabic, its meaning comes from the word Ramidha or Ar-Ramad. Which means intense scorching heat. It is also derived from the word Ramdha which means sun-baked sand.

Ramadan was quoted as such as it burns the sins of its believers. Just like the blazing sun evaporates water from the surface of the ground, Ramadan burns away one's sins if one truly believes.

Miranda's father passed away. She was her father's favourite girl.

There is another old saying, God calls those whom God loves the most. The Divine Being no longer want to want them to be in anguish in the materialistic world.

Losing someone you love is a pain that you will never get used to even if your pain management is high. It hurts from the inside. It doesn't leave a scar physically to be healed. It leaves a scar mentally that only time can heal.

Well, I just happen to no longer want to know God. I am what the world would call an atheist or a free believer.