A Book Of My OC's

- Cold -

Ugh, me writing Angst again!? C'mon!

-------

Bam's POV

For as long as I've known, I've always been an overthinker. I constantly worry about everything I say or do. I can't control myself. I'm an emotional wreck, how do you deal with me?

There's a part of me that says that I don't deserve you, the demon in my head taunts me, torments me, mocks me. I don't understand why you've stuck around here with me for such a long time. I feel like I've hurt you, I feel like I fucked up. Why do you stay? Why haven't you left? Is this all a sick joke? What even is this anymore.

I ask myself what the point is now. I've done nothing but be a simple burden to you, how in God's name have you dealt with me? What's the point of staying here with me? You'd be better off without me, you have no reason to stay with me. You should just go now.

I don't think I could bring myself to ask you face to face why in the world you love me, I don't want to see the expression on your face, I don't want to upset you, I just want to get an answer. My mind is racing.

There he is again, that demon in my head, telling me things I don't want to know, things I just want to forget. I can't forget you, you don't leave my head at all, and with everything I've done, why are you still here?

I do nothing but sit down and get high off my mind. I do nothing but sob and sob like a baby. I run to you when something goes wrong. I rant and rant to you, leaving you with nothing to say, have I said too much? Did I say something wrong? I've done nothing but run my mouth like a genius, but I know I'll never be a smart person, I never was, never will. I get high almost everyday, ignoring the world around me. I'll never understand why you are so nice to me, I truly never will.

I beg and beg to get an answer out of you, May, I could beg for days on end for an answer of why you stay, but I couldn't bare seeing you hurt.

Shame swallows me whole thinking about this, it's like an ocean wave crushing me. I feel like I'm suffocating, I can't get a word out and now I sit here, crying and crying.

I feel the cold dark earth caressing me, I feel like I'm six feet under. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to think. I don't know how to feel. I normally ignore and run away from my problems, but I can't escape this. I never can. I won't be able too.

All because I'm too scared.

--- Chapter End ---