A Book Of My OC's

- Love yourself properly -

HI back this da angst 🤭
I js wanna rollie rollie rollie
Yuri and Julian have a complex situationship real stuff‼️
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.Julian's POV.

The drive home was quiet and awkward. Yuri leans his bruised body against the window. He called me in a desperate and hazy state and asked if I could come pick him up, which I did.

When we finally got back to my place (albeit after quite some time) I got out and opened the door where he was. Yuri looks at me and cocks his eyebrow that was practically split.

"You're dizzy, let me help..." I say like I've said thousands of times before. He's been like this thousands of times over and over and we're both like broken records. So, he nods slightly and allows he to sling him on my back and take him inside my shitty apartment.

His brother - Noel - sits on the couch with Yuri's daughter who's been asleep for a presumed time. He's watching TV and looks at me with a hint of concern. Yuri stands by my side but he clings to my arms to keep himself up. Noel always babysits for the two of us. He's a great guy, really. I gotta give him credit, he's a great uncle.

"He's okay...you know the gist of it." I comment and Noel just nods his head miserably and looks back at the TV show playing. I'm so sorry...I'm sorry I can't just be honest with Yuri's brother.

I take off to the bathroom with Yuri, I've gotta clean these cuts on his face. "Sit on the counter..I'll get this cleaned up." I say and I've said this thousands of times before but I can't help it.

I can't help wanting to take care of him. I've never been able to help it and I won't be able to. It's like an instinct.

I grab what I need to make sure they heal properly. I bring the wet q-tip with hydrogen peroxide to his cut eyebrow. He visibly backs away from me when I bring it to him. He never liked that it stung. "It's okay, it's just a little sting.." I reassured him like I've done thousands of times. I dab it carefully over his cut and watch the blood pool slightly against the q-tip.

"Jewls...I'm sorry." He speaks suddenly. His voice is hoarse and strained. He cried the way home and cried when I got there. He never liked getting in fights.

Suddenly I feel myself get so...upset. I loved him like it was breathing. I don't know what drew me to him but there is just something about him. Something about him just makes me feel like I need him near me. I love him, I really do but I couldn't help the annoyed sigh that escaped my mouth.

"Yuri just stop." I state harshly. "Just stop apologizing. I'm not upset that I had to pick you up, I'd rather you call me than have you go back to your college dorm and have these cuts get infected." I say, I didn't mean to get angry but I couldn't keep living like this. I can't do this routine anymore. It hurts me but I can't be selfish because I know it hurts him too.

"I'm trying, Jewls...I'm getting help." He mumbles and I look at him likes he's just said the worst thing ever. I don't want to be mad but this- this whatever it is! I just can't anymore.

"Yuri! Stop telling me that!" I shout unexpectedly. My mind screams at me to stop but the tightness in my chest is so hard that a tsunami couldn't stop me.

"You tell me this every time! You say you're getting help but- Are you!?" I watch him look at me so sadly. I'm sorry...Yuri I'm so sorry. I don't wanna be angry with you.

"I-"

"Damnit Yuri! Coping with sex and drinking and staying out late will never help! You've watched it with your mother and you hate her!" I shouted, my body trembling.

"Don't you have any self-respect!? You can't just go around fucking strangers to feel better! You've damaged yourself and your body and-" I stop and take a deep breath, it's hitched and now I'm just as strained as Yuri's breathing is.

"Yuri, I can't love somebody who does this...I'm so sorry but...How can you expect me to love you if you can't love yourself properly?" I shout again, I couldn't ever notice that he was crying because I was yelling.

"You have a daughter! You rely on your brother and me to take care of her! She's just a toddler! She cannot grow up like this...you are her father so fucking be there for her!"

"Don't tell me how I should raise my kid!" "You're never there! You're busy all the time!"

"You can't even love yourself properly, you can't take care of yourself! You've been beaten on the streets and I know that you can't control what happens but-" I stop, not caring that I was tearing up too.

"I love you so much but- Dear, it scares me...what if I can't be there in time? What if you drink too much?" I rest my arms against the bathroom counter. I couldn't stand the thought of that dreaded phone call...

"I love you like it's breathing but- I need you to love yourself too..." I trail off and finally look at him. His beautiful face is tear stained and it makes me feel worse. I wrapped my arms around him and embrace him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say all that, Yuri but.." I can't bring myself to say it. "I'm sorry Jewls..." He lets go of me and sighed. "I'm tired...physically exhausted and mentally exhausted..." He mumbled. I soften up and look at him, "Let's just get some sleep, okay? We'll talk tomorrow but for now...your body needs rest." I said and the two of us wandered to my bedroom, changing to comfortable clothes and finally laying down while Yuri is clinging to me. He's probably out like a light but with the light shut off, I can't tell.

I stare at the ceiling despite the pitch black in the room. I shift over to him and gently kiss his forehead and give a sad smile.

"I love you...and I'm sorry I'm afraid to commit to this..." I say to him.

It's silent on the other end.