Breaking The Walls

Chapter 2

" A lot of you cared, just not enough"

Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green, David Levithan

Daniel/ North

12 years old

" What if reincarnation exists?" My best friend Maksim asks. He is always asking me weird questions. But I like it. It makes me think about things I have never thought about.

" Why?"

" I mean, would you kill yourself to start a new life somewhere else? Maybe, even, not this planet. Maybe choose another family." I know what he is talking about. His mother is a slut who is fucking for money and his dad is a drug dealer, getting high every day. He always has to carry him home, facing his mother fucking one of his friends. My parents are no better. If I have a choice, I would have a family like my cousin Adam has. They celebrate every holiday, they have dinner together, and they go on vacation. Aunt Mary and Uncle Sam are trying to have another baby, a sibling for Adam, but no success yet.

" I didn't think about it. Would you?"

" I constantly think about it" We stay on the edge of the cliff. Maks's favourite place, it is not far away from the trailer park where he lives. His words scare me. He never confessed to suicide. I know he has mental issues, but it was never that bad.

" Tell me you are not serious, you can't kill yourself and live alone here."

" You can always do it with me. Look, we both don't have a reason to live." I can't believe he is talking seriously. I watch his handsome face carefully. I can't see if he is joking or does he seriously asked me to commit suicide with him.

I took his hand and stare at his blue, innocent eyes.

" Don't. Don't even dare think about it. Promise me you will never leave me. Promise we will be together forever." He pursed his lips and looked away.

" Promise me!" I shout, scared that the only person I have ever had by my side will leave me alone in this ugly world to face the battles alone.

" Okay, I promise"

The next day, the police came to my place with the news. He fell from the cliff. His favourite place. The place we used to Play, talk, and hide from the world. His parents didn't even come to the funeral. No one came, but me. Even when he died, I was alone near his grave, because I am the only one who cared about him.

My dad was happy Maksim died, he never likes him. He said he is a bad influence. Not rich like us, not royal like us, not good enough for me.

But I loved him the way he was.

His golden hair, blue eyes, and innocent voice were something I will dream of forever, I promised myself I won't forget my best friend. Actually, the only friend I have ever had and probably have.

As a present to celebrate my best friend's death, my dad brought his slut he is fucking behind mom. Fine, not behind her back. Mom knows he is cheating. Or it is not cheating when your wife knows about the woman you fuck?

Her name is Melissa, prostitute's name, she is 26 years old. And I am fucking 12.

" I do not want to do this, Dad. Please." I begged him to let me just be, I came from the funeral all exhausted. The only thing I wanted is to be alone.

" You live under my roof, you obey. I want you to be a real man. This is a way to become someone I can respect" I was disappointed with my dad long ago. But he never forced me to do anything.

" Let me do anything else, please, Dad. I am not in the mood"

" Stop it! A real man is always in the mood. You are 12 years old. Don't disappoint me." He grabbed my hand, pushing me to the stairs which lead to my room, where I find red-haired Melissa.

" Do your job, make him want you." I stayed near the door, hoping to escape, but my dad locked the door.

" C' mon, don't be afraid, I will teach the best ways to make a woman feel good." She slowly parted her legs to let me know she doesn't wear any underwear. Her sweet voice echoed in the room, filling it with fake innocence. For the first time, I wished I were lying near my best friend. For the first time, I thought about suicide and death. The obliviation which comes with the last breath.

Something switched in my head, something ugly came on the outside. Things that were hidden. The walls of a good boy break, and the shadow of the worst desires came to fulfill its pleasures. So I fucked her. I fucked her hard, losing my mind, soul, and body.

15 January is the day when my best friend was buried. So I was. The real Daniel won't come again because he is dead. I guess we committed suicide together. Me while burying my balls in some slut's pussy and my best friend being six feet under the ground.

Somehow Maks was right, he was always right. He knew things I didn't. He was too good and wise for this world. Once he confessed his mother fucking a woman while his dad and his friends were watching and jerking off. The next day, he told me what he saw, and I asked him to live in the guest house. I didn't want my friend to go through this. He refused, saying that it is his path to take. I should worry about my problems. Then he said:

" Sometimes life may be ugly, it may be a total lie. But I am trying to smile through the pain because I want to feel happy. Every time I watch my classmates smiling, I am dying inside because it never came naturally. The only way I feel better is when you are near me, sharing the emptiness and pain together. Do you think we will be happy one day?"

" Define happiness"

" Maybe it is when you are grateful every morning when you open your eyes and willingly get up without begging to die in sleep the next night. What about you? How do you define it?"

" I don't know. I have felt happy just once." Maksim curiously glanced at me.

" When?"

" When I found out mom was pregnant." Maks looked confused.

" But you don't have siblings"

" Yeah, I know. The child was someone's mom was working, so the dad told her to abort the kid. She didn't want, tho. So he beat the fuck out of her until she starts bleeding."