Breaking The Walls

Chapter 4

"You know all the ways you can kill a girl?
God, there are so many."

All the Rage by Courtney Summers

Indigo/Nyx

Amisha
13 years old

Today, I turned thirteen years old. Dad said that he had prepared a surprise for me. To be honest, I can't wait, he's never done anything for me before. Only our mom took care of us. Maybe Dad changed? Maybe he regrets what he did to our mom? Only no actions can bring our mother back to us anymore. Christian was never a smiling child, but when we saw what our father did to our mother, my brother completely changed. Every time I look at him, I see that he carries a huge burden or maybe even guilt for what happened. Christian's eyes are no longer the same, they are still dark as the night sky, but the fire that lived in him, like in every child, has gone out of them. In place of this, something else has appeared. Thirst. Lust for power. The desire to destroy a person that touched the only thing that made him happy. I understand him, I can't forgive our father either. But I still love him, he's my dad.
"Amisha, are you ready? The guests will arrive soon"
I heard my father calling me. I was so worried that I was preparing for several hours. Dad said that guests would come today. His friends. I'm glad that at least they will be here for my birthday. I don't have a lot of friends, so I don't mind. My only friend is my brother. Today I put on my favourite dress. White with pink flowers. Mom said that the white colour means purity. I was even called Amisha- which means pure, faithful, and beautiful. I am a really beautiful, copy of Mom. Black wavy hair and the eyes are as dark as Christian's.
"Coming"
As soon as I shouted, my brother came into my room. Dressed in a suit that our father approved. He is tall and handsome. Every girl at his school is falling for him. Our dad says the men of our family should look according to our name. We have to have a perfect reputation. But how do the blood on his hands and an ideal suit make him a good person? I don't think he is a good person...
"I really think we'd better stay in your room and watch cartoons. Daddy's friends are not good people, dove"
Christian hugged me gently. We have already discussed today that I want to spend my birthday as an adult.
"I'll be fine, it's my birthday. Moreover, Daddy said that a surprise is waiting for me" Christian looked worried.
"I know, honey. But I'm not sure that a surprise from our father may be something good"
"I know you don't believe in him. But maybe..." Christian interrupted me.
"No. He didn't change, he is not capable of it. Trust me, we are better off with any dad than with him." Christian is always like that. But, we do not have anyone but our dad. Maybe I am too naive, I just want to have a dad as my classmates do.
"Okay, but we better get going. We don't want him mad" Christian nodded.
"Alright, it's your day today. Birthday girl, you are going to shine for me." His face softness, but he didn't smile. I miss his smiles.
" Yay," We left my room and went down to the dining room. There were a lot of men sitting at a long wooden table. I didn't recognize any of them, but I think Dad would have brought only good people to my birthday.
" I don't like this," Christian whispered in my ear.
"All is going to be fine. Don't worry." I should be worried. I should have stayed in my room. Furthermore, I should have listened to my brother. I should have never trusted my dad. Likewise, I learned that lesson and never forgot it. Since my thirteen birthday, I finally saw what the monster we lived with.
"Amisha, you've finally come. Take a sit near me." I did as he said.
As soon as I approached him, I looked at Cristian. I didn't like the way he looked. My father put his hand on the back and I timidly smiled at the people at the table.

"Meet my daughter, Amisha. Amisha, greet your guests. "

My father smiled affectionately, filling his head to me. He doesn't behave like that, probably it's because of my birthday

"Hello, I am Amisha." The man next to my father examined me from head to toe.

"Amisha, you are a charming girl." He hummed. "I really like your dress. White is your colour."
"Thank you, sir." I felt like something was wrong. I didn't like the way that man was looking at me.
" I actually have a gift for you, baby girl"
"Oh, that was not necessary, I all just glad you managed to come." Everyone started to laugh, and I immediately caught Christian's sight. He knew something is about to happen.
" It is my pleasure, darling" He made a small pause and continued. "But you see, the gift is too big, so I left it in your dad's office." I glanced at Dad and he nodded.
"That's true, we need to go and get it."
"No, she is not going anywhere with you two." Christian's firm voice echoed in the walls of the room. He made a step towards me.
"Go to your room. Right now."
"No"
"Okay, son. Let's go with me, I will teach you a lesson." Our dad stood up and looked down at me. "And you, Amisha, will go with my friend, he will get your present." he nodded to the men and gave my hand to him.
" You can't leave her with him. Dad, please, I will do whatever you want..."
"You both will do whatever I want no matter what you want" Christian was terrified, I saw how much he regretted going down here. He had no idea I did too.
"C'mon, Amisha, I will show you something."
The man dragged me through the corridors to Dad's office. As soon as we entered, he locked the door.

"You are an incredibly beautiful girl."

"Thanks"
The man rested his hip on the table and crossed his arms. His grey hair was greasy and glistened from the light bulb above his head.

"Take off your dress" My eyes widened. No, I don't want to. I know it's bad. Only grown-ups get dressed in front of each other.

"B-But, but I don't want to. I want to go back to my room." My body was shaking. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I bit the inside of my cheek, biting it until it bled. I can't believe this is happening to me. My father allowed something like that to happen to me.
"Do you want your present little bird?"
No, I do not want anything from him anymore. I don't want Dad's attention or presented from any of these men.
"No, please, I want to go to my room."
The man made a step toward me.
"Do as I say, and I won't hurt you."
His voice scratched the surrounding air, and I was afraid to breathe. But I was afraid that he would harm me, so I started to undress. I reached for the zipper of the dress and with trembling hands unbuttoned the dress. My white dress fell to my feet, as well as my purity and innocence lost its value. My name has become a lie.
I wanted to cover my chest, even though I didn't have breasts yet, but it wasn't comfortable under his gaze. The man licked his lips in approval.

"Panties too"
"Please don't..."
"Obey me," he growled. I started to cry harder, but I did as he said. My dad's friend nodded, he didn't touch me, but his gaze was scanning every inch of my skin.
"That's good." he took his phone and made a picture of me. "You look so beautiful with the tears on your cheeks."
"I did as you said. I want to go to my room." my voice was trembling. My heart was beating in my chest. I hoped I will die from a heart attack, but I didn't.
"Don't you want your present?"
"No." he shook his head.
"Tsk, very bad. Get dressed." he put his phone in his pocket and approached me. Gently he stroked my cheek and caught my eyes. "I will give you to my son."
Is that supposed to be present? And what did he mean to give me to his son? I don't want to be given to anyone.

As soon as I got dressed, I ran out of Dad's office. How can Dad give me to someone? I'm not a thing. When I was in my room, I was hoping to see my brother. But Christian wasn't there. He was paying the price for standing up for me in front of my father. If it wasn't for my stupid desire to celebrate my birthday, none of this would have happened.
Late at night, I was still crying when everyone had already gone to bed. Even a hot bathroom couldn't help erase this terrible day. Christian was in my room, and as soon as I saw him all beaten up, I started crying harder. I realized that my childhood desire to celebrate a stupid birthday was to blame for everything.
"It's not your fault, dove. I'm the one to blame here."
"Christian..."
"No, I'm the big brother, I had to protect you no matter what." He took my face between his palms and looked into my eyes with tenderness. "Forgive me, please, I'll understand if you can't. But I promise that no one will dare to touch you now."
But from that day on, with Christian's promise to protect me, he also built a wall between us. I've been trying to reach him for a long time. I wanted my brother back. But it didn't work out, he even closed himself off from me. And then I have left alone, even among a bunch of people, loneliness swallowed me up like its own daughter.