I am Poetry

MISSING: A (CRUSH?) FRIEND

you were gone today.
i was shot through the soul.
my eyes were magnetized
to the empty desk where you should have been.

just when i start to open up
and realize how important you are to me
how important you can be to me
you are not here to know it.

you light up my day.
you make me laugh.
you know what it's like to be weird
yet you are still so kind, understanding.

when i speak of strange things
you don't even blink.
you just talk to me
like i'm human.

i have not gotten the chance to tell you
how much i appreciate you
how much i like being around you
how much i adore you.

i didn't even notice you
not until a month ago.
not until you took off your glasses
and i saw you for the first time

when you couldn't see anything
all i could see was you
and the way you make me feel.
i could not believe how blind i was.

now a thousand unspoken words
hang in my head
in my throat
in my soul.

they beg to get out.
i beg to see you
but life doesn't always
give you what you want, does it?

i want
must
need to know
if you are still seeing her.

you don't talk to each other
like you used to.
you barely even look
in each other's direction.

i can only hope.
i can only wish
that maybe i have a chance.
maybe we have a chance.

you said you were straight.
would you bend the rules for me?
i may have born female
but that is not who i am.

could you ever feel the same?
do i tease you too much?
that is only the way
i show my love.

you tease me.
all the time.
is it you trying to let me know
that you feel something you can't say?

i'm sorry?
but i'm not.
i miss you.
i like you a lot.

please come back
and fill in this hole
that hurts my heart
and leaves more than your desk

empty.