Left without Hope - Gaz x fem! reader

25

Gaz POV

Gaz spent the rest of the day thinking about what to say, imagining all kinds of scenarios in his head just to come to the conclusion that he should start with one thing. A good apology.

During his time in the gym or his room, he continued to remember how close you had got with him before his fuck-up, remembering the cuddles and hours of him reading you a book. It hurt him to know that he had taken it away from himself, allowed himself to hurt you, making him look like the kind of guy to win over someone just to hurt them. 

Kyle loved long walks and watching the sunset, not making someone feel hurt. He adored watching his loved ones laugh, knowing that it gave him the energy to continue doing what he loved. 

Kyle loved spending time with you because you gave him the energy to continue his work, always taking an extra step just to make it home to you in one piece. He never called the barracks a home, but after getting to know you it had become a home for him. 

And he knew that he wouldn't even forgive himself if someone had broken him like he had done with you, he'd probably cry and shout until his voice gave up, but you were the opposite. You were quiet leaving him like all the time you two had spent together never meant anything. 

Kyle grabbed his car keys, making his way towards your room. The sudden encouragement that he had just felt left him again after hearing a man's voice coming from the other side of the door, the Scottish accent sending shivers down his spine. 

"I'm so sorry to tell you this y/n but you should really keep your distance to Kyle. He a few weeks ago wanted me to participate in a bet of who gets to fuck you first. I obviously didn't participate but he was so ground focused on wanting to get his round of pints paid that he really didn't see any hold." 

He froze, listening to those words floating in the room in front of him. It was full on lies, he would never get onto a bet about who gets to fuck who first, especially not if that person is worth so much more than just some stinky pints. 

"I don't believe you Kyle is not like that..." Your voice came through the door, the sound broke the last pieces remaining of Kyles heart. It was shivering close to breaking. 

"Do you want to talk to him? Maybe he isn't all so bad after he left some of that pressure by his best friend.". 

and at that moment the world separated just a little further, he couldn't do anything to stop the gaslighting. he had no power over Johnny's words, all he had was the truth, but was it even worth mentioning after you had just been told such lies. he would damage you more, hurt you even more than you are right now. 

If he had never let you get so close to him, if he had just never kissed you on the mission, it all would be fine now. You would have been fine, probably going on about your life. 

He couldn't fix this now, soaps words hanging too heavy in the room. And if he left you more space to get over the words and think about what actually might have happened. How would you know he wasn't just ignoring you because he had got what he wanted, and you were no use any more. 

It was so complicated and he increasingly felt like it was all his fault. The hate digging a hole inside of him. But he knew that he would just ignore his needs, he fucked it all up. Why would he deserve to be loved at this moment. Why would he dig for you to forgive him if you are much safer and happier without him. 

Soap would get what he wanted, Simon would stick to being an asshole and you could live out your dream of working in a job that you loved. And Kyle would be kyle again. 

Never designed to be the main character overlooked by his more confident 'friends'. He never was the main character a person would look at first, he was the quiet operator standing next to his partner waiting to be approved to speak. 

Now that he tried to change that and make himself important for once, he fucked it up. Ate the feeling of being seen and fucked around. 

Simon stepped up and got to deal with his sexual issue and Johnny is slowly gaslighting his way into your pants. And he would just stand there, talk to you when you were searching for his words. 

on the other hand he was angry, unable to tell his feelings apart. It confused him. He was overthinking about what he was feeling, what you were thinking of him and how he should act out this situation. He just wanted to disappear and not have to deal with any of these issues. Scared of the confrontation. 

Does he want to scream? cry? kill Johnny? does he just want you back or does he want to be as far away from you as possible. 

He feels empty but yet so full of everything. 

Yet his mind told him to stop being so overdramatic like his father always has, ignore what you feel and just get what you deserve. But what was it that he deserved? 

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I feel like Kyle needs a serious hug and someone to talk to about his feelings and like why are you still standing there bbg just go...

overthinking, the issue of not wanting to get confronted and feeling like it all is his fault and he should just disappear is heavyyy.