❥𝑹𝒆𝒅 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆

Chapter 9

Valerie POV

I can't believe him. I can't believe him.

I was walking to the office with raging anger inside of me. My pulse was higher than my doctor would've recommended and I could've punched everyone who was getting in my way. I knew this wasn't good for me and I tried to calm myself down.

Why am I so angry anyways? This guy can go screw himself...

»Are you okay? You're walking down these halls like you're the sister of Hulk.«, a colleague said that I walked past.
I didn't stop, I just slowed down and shouted:»Yeah yeah, everything good!« while entering the office of social media and design.

When I arrived at my desk, I already saw all of the paperwork I still had to do. I guessed this was the other side of the job. Beside the drawing and creativity there was of course other stuff to do.
I was getting along with the paperwork. Sometimes I asked some of the others in the room when I was stuck or didn't understand something.
But my mind was somewhere else half the time. It drove me mad every time I thought about it and gave me a weird, uncomfortable feeling like in my childhood when I had an argument with my parents and didn't know what do to after.

And that wasn't even close to the fights we had. It was nothing compared to these years ago.

Some part of me wanted to forget everything that happened in the last few years but the other side just couldn't let it go and act like everything's fine.
But I pushed it all aside to focus on my work because that was the only important thing right now.

He can do whatever he want. I don't care. Not at all.

Around 4 p.m. some of my colleagues got up and went to leave the office. »Where are y'all going?«,  I asked curiously.
»We won't be missing that race.«, they just said and held the door open for me.
I hesitated for a moment. But then I stood up and followed them down.

I gotta support Carlos

We went into an open room that was near the radio station that was outside. It was lovely, there was a couch and a big TV on the wall.
The race would be transferred to the screen and we sat down on the couch.
»You're the new one on the design team, aren't you?«, a woman beside me said.
»Yeah, I am. Valerie Sainz.«
»Any relations to Carlos Sainz?«
»Carlos is my lovely brother.«, I replied chuckling.
»Holy.. Anyways«, she reached out her hand. »I'm Juliette. Juliette Lavginé. Engineer Assistant. But I'm not working today.«
I shook her hand and smiled. »Nice to meet you.«

Lights out and away we go!

The race started with an adrenaline kick. Max on the lead, Charles directly behind him. Carlos kept his place at P3 constantly without letting anyone pass. Event though Lewis was right behind him.

The race was a little bit boring in between. The only thing that was gaining attention was the gap between Max and Charles. Charles kept pushing forward and it was just a matter of centimeters.
I watched the screen with sore eyes and event forgot to blink at some points.

My brain didn't even process what happened next.

»Charles Leclerc drifts into the gravel in lap 48! Yellow flag, safety car on its way!«,
The commentator shouted nervously.

I stared at the TV blank. My mind was rushing and my hands were shaking.

»Oh my god...« I just heard Juliette whisper next to me.
In the next minutes we saw Charles getting out of the car, waiting for someone to take him back to the paddock. He looked more than frustrated. He looked furious and sad and disappointed at the same time.
The camera continued to follow the race, as it should. But I had the urge to see it going on with Charles.
Then I just sat there for a few minutes. Staring at nothing. The race was all blurry and I didn't pay attention.

I didn't even think about what I was doing. I just left the room and went somewhere else.

I knew where I was going.

I searched myself through the chaos of people that were standing around and ended up at the cool-down room.
I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door, hesitantly.

Charles was standing there, halfway taken his racing suit off, one hand was in his hair, his eyes closed. The other arm was hanging down on his side and he made a scratching movement with his fingers against each other.
He was shaking all over his body. His breath trembled and it seemed like he had trouble getting air.
I entered the room silently. »Charles?«
He didn't even look at me. I didn't know if he even noticed my presence.
He took one hand and punched against the wall out of anger. It wasn't that hard, but rough enough to make his hand knuckles bleeding.

I knew this race was important for him. We didn't have contact but I didn't need that to know that the last races weren't that great for him. This time he actually had a chance for the podium.

»Charles.«, I said again. I expected for him to kick me out or something but he just looked at me with red, swollen eyes.

Is he having a panic attack?

»Oh Charlie...« I came closer, looking him directly in the eyes.
A load of old feeling came over me and reminded me of our times. I felt so sorry for him, sympathy, empathy... and love.
He just watched me standing in front of him. He tried to catch a deep breath but he was just trembling and shaking .
»Breathe, Charles. Sit down.« I gestured him to sit down on a chair that was standing in the room.
He took a seat and put his face inside of his hands. I squatted down to him.
His voice was shaking and I didn't even understand what he was trying to say.
»Just breathe, Charles.« I tried to calm him down with a soft voice.

But he didn't seem to calm down or anything at all.
I just knew one way to help him.

I came closer, nearer to his face. When he noticed that, he raised his head and gave me a confused look, still trying to catch some air.

I ignored his confusion. I placed my hand behind his left ear, grabbing softly into his hair and
pressed my lips against his.

We stayed in this situation for a long moment. A whole bunch of feelings overloaded me. I could feel a spark that was coming from his side, floating over to me. I felt it all at once again.

I broke off and looked him in the eyes.
It took him a moment to realize what just happened.
»Why did you do that?«, he asked with a straight, but still weak voice.
»I read once that when you have a panic attack, it helps if you hold your breath. I didn't know how else I could bring you to it.«
He looked down.
»Are you feeling better now?«, I asked.
He took a deep breath and looked back at me.
»Yeah I guess so.«
I nodded.

»Can you do it again?«, Charles suddenly said.
»What?«
Charles looked me deep into my eyes and I could feel myself drowning inside of his.
Then he grabbed my face and pulled me closer. I could feel his lips against mine, once again.
The feeling intensified. My stomach felt like a million butterflies trying to escape.
We got up, still kissing.
He pushed me against the wall behind us.
»I can't.«, I whispered as we came to a pause for a moment.
He was breathing heavily against my face, his eyes still closed.
I rushed out from under him and headed to the door.
I looked back for a second before leaving, he was still standing there, his face was turned to the wall.
He looked disappointed. I was too. This moment felt like a beautiful storm coming down on us.
But I just couldn't.
It's too late.