❥𝑹𝒆𝒅 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆

Chapter 61

Charles

Thursday

I could barley get out of bed that morning. The break up and emotions within were still eating deep at my bones.
When I reached the mirror in the bathroom, I noticed my red and swollen eyes.

I looked around the sink.
All of her stuff was still here.
Her brush, perfume, shampoo, some clothes on the stool.
My heart sank to my feet. It felt like she was still around.
Only that she wasn't.

I didn't sleep for more than an hour that night.
My mind was too full of thoughts.

Slowly, I reached for the stool to grab a shirt.
I held it to my face, inhaled her scent.
It was almost like I heard my heart shattering into pieces.

What have I done?

The same question, over and over again.

But it didn't bring me any further.

I put on some clean jeans and a Ferrari shirt and cap. It took me ages, I assumed.

My body longed to get into bed again, staying there for multiple days without talking to anyone.
But Fred would kill me if I did.
I had too much responsibility.

I knew that Carlos was waiting for me to drive to the paddock. We almost went together every time.
Except, I didn't know if he was waiting today.
Whether he knew already or not.

How am I supposed to look one of my bestest friends in the face when I broke his sister's heart, again.
And mine too.

I got out of the hotel room and strolled down the hall outside, my eyes burning by the bright light.

Carlos stood in front of the car, his hands calmly folded in front of his stomach.
He must've been waiting quite a little time.

I approached him, unsure how to behave.
He didn't have that silly smile on his face like always. He didn't reach out his hand to give me shake.

And that's when I realized.
That he knew.

»Good morning.«, I greeted him once I reached the car.

He eyed me carefully.

I wasn't comfortable at all. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to go back to the night before and change everything.

»Morning.«
It was cold.

I was surprised he even waited for me.
It's not like we couldn't drive with separate cars.

We got into the car, Carlos was driving.
I sat next to him on the passengers seat, my hands nervously in my lap.
I didn't dare to look him in they eyes.

Time passed. And it felt like the way to the paddock was twice as long as usual.
My voice shivered when I broke the silence.

»I assume you know, then.«

No answer. His gaze was frozen onto the street. Not even a limb reacted when I spoke.

I didn't try again.
I was too ashamed.

The press conference felt like ages. I was outzoned half of the time. The interviewer had to say my name twice multiple times so I would react.
It couldn't be like that.
Formula 1 drivers had to be authentic.
But I just wanted to disappear.

Carlos was sitting next to me. Of course we were planned into the same conference. What luck I had these days.

We didn't look at each other once.
His tone was as usual as always as he answered the questions.
But I clearly felt the coldness towards me.

I thanked god when it finally ended.

I found my way out quickly, looking for somewhere to be alone.

I knew that there were many other interviews and stuff I had to attend to.
So I just trotted to get some water and found myself at the fridge in the staff room.

Carlos was there.
He probably had the same idea.

We stood there, with our water bottles. No one knowing what to say.
So I tried again.

»Carlos listen...«
I scratched my head out of uncertainty.

»No, Charles. Seriously, I don't understand you.«
He sounded offended.
Like I broke up with him.
But,
Family is everything for him.

Silence.

»I-«

»You wanted to marry her, man. What happened?«

Damn.

I remembered the ring I carried with me.
I wished a hole would appear in the ground that moment. So I could jump in.
And forget everything I lost.

»Is she okay?...« I asked carefully.
Not only because I wanted to change the topic, but because I wanted to know.
If she was safe.

Carlos sighed. And he looked me dead in the face.

»I listened when she cried herself to sleep, Charles.«

Ouch.

There it was again, the shattering.

Besides all the pain, there was little glimpse of relief. That she was safe.
She stayed with her brother.
So she was safe.
At least.

But I wish she were safe with me.
I promised her I would protect her.

»Please, take care of her.«, I begged my friend.
I was glad he even talked to me.
And I needed to be sure she would be okay.

But Carlos shook his head out of disappointment. And left.

I stood there, not sure what to do with myself.

The day ended like it started.
My body carrying itself around while my mind was somewhere far away.

Entering the hotel again was harder than I thought.
Now that I knew she was still there.

I opened the door.
And the first thing I saw was her stuff.

It was still there.

And then I realized.
She didn't show up for work that day either.

I called my manager, another time. He organized someone for my social media stuff.
Since Valerie hadn't done it today.

Valerie.

Just thinking about her name hurt.

I sat down at the bed and looked around.

What is my purpose?

My gaze fell to her project on the desk.
And as I thought about all the consequences of living without her, losing my second half, my eyes teared again.
And it didn't stop.

That was when Pierre texted me.
He asked me to join him to a "little party", it said.

I didn't want to go.

But I guessed I could use some distraction.