Zombie Policy of our Ministry

"Now, I would like to give the floor to our chairman Hayri Bey, who is a former zombie himself."

It had been 20 years since the Ministry of Zombie Affairs (MoZA), aka the Death Office, started to give due focus to the policies of benefiting from the zombies, instead of trying to get rid of them. Those policies have yielded its fruits and significantly contributed to the economic and social life in the country.

Hayri Bey was infected with the Z1B1 virus at an early age. He was to be the first zombie individual to graduate from the junior high school, benefiting from the "Zombies to School" campaign of the ministry. It was an outstanding feat that paved the way for him to be elected as the chairman of the ZCSA (Zombie Conservation and Sustenance Association) when the day came.

The chairman walked on to the stage with heavy steps before clearing his throat and starting his speech:

"First of all, let me state that I am very happy to be here among such young and fresh brains as yours. As we all know, we have been through very tough times... When the ban on eating brains on the streets was first announced, we didn't know what to do. I remember that most of us risked the $500 fine at the time. Back then, offal restaurants were not as common as they are now, so there was nothing to curb our urge to eat brain. Whenever I think of those days, a drop of blood rolls down my cheek..."

After wiping the blood dripping from his eyes, he continued:

"People did not respect our natural instinct. In hindsight, they might have had justified reasons. They might not have been willing to feed their brains to us. Fortunately, our President, God bless him, made it mandatory to open an offal restaurant in every neighborhood, so we were able to meet our brain demand to some extent.

Some people claim that their lives are like a movie story. Well, this is the exact case for me. In the past, they wouldn't even let us marry a normal human, and they still don't let it easily. I, too, fell in love with a human once. Her father said, "I don't have a daughter to be given to a zombie." The girl said, 'My father won't give me to you, even if the zombie apocalypse is broken. We must run'. We set out with the dream of finding a place where people won't judge our love and we could be happy. At that time, we didn't know the social distancing rule. When I got hungry on the way, I tried to eat the girl's brain, to no avail. It turned out that she was a no-brainer.

They ask me a lot, how I finished the junior high school. I never forget, one day I had eaten a plastic brain in biology lesson. When I couldn't hold myself and started to attack my friends, my teacher stopped me (with some effort) and took me to the local offal restaurant. He said, 'From now on, I will treat you an offal soup every week, as long as you don't touch the brains of your classmates.' I can't thank him enough.

Fortunately, as zombie individuals, we are no longer under as much pressure. The spread rate of Z1B1 virus has decreased considerably with the proliferation of offal restaurants and the social distancing being taught to both humans and us. However, discrimination still exists today. I believe that we will overcome this as a nation that is united with its humans and zombies."

There was a huge applause in the hall. After a while, the Q&A session started and one of the audience took the microphone:

"The services provided by the zombie troops within our army are obvious. We are grateful to you as a nation. But I would like to hear from you, the authenticity of a claim made by some members of DTMB (Don't Touch My Brain), which is an anti-zombie organization operating on social media. Do you still eat human brain during the zombie soldiers' send off parties?"

There was a pin-drop silence for a moment...

End of Chapter 1

Evren Bal (Nerves of the Universe)