Claircognizance / / J. Hale

{13 The Bitter Past}

Jasper Hale

Jasper had promised his mate that he would tell her his story, the truth of who he really was before the venom invaded his system. He had never felt this conflicted in his immortal life. On the one hand, he wanted Evelyn to know who he was and where he had come from, the chance to finally be understood and loved by someone outside his small immortal family. But there was a deep underlying sense of dread that threatened to choke him from the inside out. What if she hated who he was? What if she wouldn't want to speak to him again? Jasper wouldn't know what to do with himself. But just before the ceaseless anxiety could consume him completely he was met with that very same presence that seemed to soothe him fully.

Living life in the wake of Maria took longer to heal from than the blonde cowboy would care to admit. Whatever lingering feelings he thought he held for the woman seemed to hold his psyche, hostage, for decades after their encounter. The guilt threatening to burn him alive. That was until he met two more immortals that filled him with a newfound sense of hope. After all this time, here she was, waiting just as patiently as Alice said she would. Waiting for his story. 

Jasper took an unnecessary breath of air into his undead lungs before finally beginning. "I didn't have quite the same upbringing as my adopted siblings" he explained before gently rolling up the sleeves of his shirt exposing the scared pale skin that lie beneath. Jasper knew that her human eyes wouldn't be able to catch all of the bite marks on show, but she would be able to see the most prominent ones. 

Gently as if handling chipped porcelain her warm hands began to trail from his wrists and up his forearms. Her eyes crinkled in concern the longer she looked at the damage on his skin. "Who or what are they from?" Evelyn asked softly, eyes rising to meet his own. 

"Newborns, during the first year of our transformation we are at our strongest, due to the human blood still lingering in our veins. But even so, all that training the Confederate army gave me was useless against them. Still, I never lost a fight" Jasper could not find it in himself to brag at this fact. Heart still aching at what could have been if he was a better man. But Japser was selfishly finding solace in the lingering touch of his mate's hands. 

"So you lived through the Civil War?" Evelyn asked almost amazed at his age. 

"I was the youngest major in the Texas cavalry, all without seeing any real battle." The words tumbled from his mouth bitterly as he recalled who he was in the past. Even to himself, he could tell that his eyes were swimming with the lingering regret of what he once stood for. Even now he wouldn't be able to answer the question of why he was a confederate. Was it for his father's insistence and expectation? Or just because he could?

"Until I met a certain immortal, Maria" he continued "I was riding back to Gavelston, after evacuating a column of women and children, when I saw her. I immediately offered her my aid"

 Jasper recalled himself being stood in front of a trio of the most beautiful women that he had ever seen, eyes gleaming almost hungrily, all suspiciously crimson as their looks seemed to devour his very soul. 

"Lovely, an officer" the blonde one smiled. 

"You'd better do it, Maria. I can never stop once I've started." The first sister whispered into Maria's ear. 

"What's your name, soldier?" Maria asked near tauntingly as she eyed Jasper. 

"Major Jasper Whitlock, Ma'am"

"So she was creating an army?" Evelyn asked having moved to sit closer next to him as Jasper continued his story. Her hand coming to supportively lace through his own as her head came to rest on his shoulder. He found himself grateful for the innate sense of comfort that his mate was able to provide. Jasper almost found himself in complete disbelief at Evelyn's existence, how undemanding her presence was. How she was the complete and utter opposite of what Maria had been. 

"They were very common in the South and cost brutal battles for territory. Maria won them all. She was smart, careful and she had me. I was the second in command. My abilities to control emotions served her well. I trained her newborns. An endless occupation since she never let them live beyond their first year. It was my job to dispose of them.  I could feel everything they felt." Jasper felt his throat constrict painfully around the repressed emotion in his words. The venom stinging behind his eyes as tears that would never fall. Evelyn's hand tightened around his own as he paused in his story. 

"I thought what Maria and I had was love. But I was her puppet. She pulled the strings. I didn't know there was another way... Until I found Alice and Yeong-Sook. Now she'd seen me coming, of course." he laughed tenderly, eyes now softly downcast to the girl sitting nestled into his side. "She'd seen you too, only damn reason they got me out that godforsaken dinner"

"Me?" Evelyn asked confused, turning ever so slightly to face him better. 

"Alice promised that if I went with her and her mate I could have a family and a mate of her own, sworn she'd seen it with her own two eyes. I suppose nothing much too exciting has happened between then and now. But I'm glad I got the chance to meet you" Jasper smiled.

"I'm glad to have met you too, Major Whitlock" Evelyn hummed thoughtfully. "I hope you know I don't think any less of you now Jasper" he felt her hands return to his forearm as her fingers began to trace over the scars once again. "I'm glad you felt like you could tell me"

"I'm just glad I haven't scared you off yet Darlin' but we haven't gotten to the worst of it yet" Jasper joked anxiously.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, unlike others of our kind, the transformation didn't just give me a gift, I have what most people would more or less call a 'split personality'. At some point during my time with Maria, I found myself becoming someone else. As if protecting myself from the horrors of the war I found myself disassociating into someone else. Soon it was as if my anger and more combative instincts had manifested into their own person. I call him the Major" Jasper explained smoothly, eyes searching his mate's for any hint of fear that may be lurking beneath the surface. As if subconsciously expecting to be rejected. 

"Can I meet him?" 

The question fell so plainly, as if she was asking nothing more than to see the daily paper, and not to meet a vampiric embodiment of Jasper's own rage and primordial supernatural instincts. But somewhere deep in the back of his mind where said identity went to rest, he could feel a sense of optimism bleed through into his own consciousness. 

"One day, I promise" Jasper then felt a sharp disapproving rumble ripple through his spirit. "I just...don't want to mess this up" he breathed nervously, eyes still firmly watching Evelyn.

"Jasper, if you want this to work then you need to let me see all of you, have the chance to love all of you. No matter what shame you may feel over what you've done. Or how scared you may feel that the Major may lose control, you have to trust that I can handle everything you show me" As she spoke she raised her hands to gently cup his face, warm palms bringing a deep warming sense of reassurance and affection as his cool skin stole her body heat. 

"I know Darlin, I know, I have been waiting an awful long time for you, so forgive me for being so cautious?" he smiled into the palm of her hand, placing a delicate kiss into her pale skin. 

"I will wait, for as long as you need Mr Whitlock, besides it's the least I could do"

Jasper had not allowed himself to feel such hope for an awfully long time. He had seemed to condemn himself to a life of what ifs and regrets as he learnt how live beyond the shadow of his past. Always finding himself thinking of the worst case scenarios and of the possibilities of what could go wrong as he and his family lay hiding in the background, uttering lies as to never expose their true selves. But now, as he sat in the small town of Forks, basking in the touch of his mate he couldn't help but finally give into the possibility that was gifted to him. Allowing himself to fall head first into this new chapter of his life.

Jasper Whitlock Hale didn't think that there could be anything that could break this paradise. 

Thank you for reading~