you and me, me and you

In Which Everything Goes Horribly Right

I got in the truck that had Nellie and 4 of the bigger horses in the back, while Jackie was driving Prue and Nonie. I was in the truck Xavier was driving. I put my knees up on the dashboard so my feet dangled down towards the floor. It kept hitting me what we were driving towards and I kept getting that weird exciting feeling that you get in your throat and you feel like you need to scream. I didn't even know who was in the cast. I wasn't really interested though, I mainly loved the game with all my heart. I looked up "cast of the last of us", and I only recognised one guy. I gasped so loud I made Xavier almost push the brakes. Pedro fucking Pascal. I first knew about him from his SNL characters and then I watched some of the films and interviews he was in. Damn. I thought about how embarrassing it would be if I acted weird and fan-girly around him so I just spent half an hour in silence reminding myself he was just a guy whose been in movies and that it would be unprofessional if I acted like that around him. I eventually got distracted and started talking to Xavier about how excited I was about it while he barely listened to me. I was a little nervous to work on a big set. I mean we would have to be doing it for awhile. More than a month. I'd hopefully get used to it. I'd convinced myself by the end of the drive that it was just normal people on a normal mediocre film set and I just needed to teach them 3 gaits and how to just not be scared around horses I guess. I'll be fine. 

When we got to the film set, some of the crew met with us. They had a place where we could tack up and keep the horses. They had little goats and chickens running around near where the horses were being set up. They told us to get started immediately and brought out some of the cast so we could start them on learning some gaits. We helped them in small groups of 3 people at a time and switched about every hour. Most of them picked up pretty easily, some of them were a bit reluctant to go faster than a halt which was understandable. Around 12, Jackie took Fig out to help Pedro fucking Pascal and I almost fell on the floor of how weak my knees were from being nervous. I managed to make my mind forget about it I did not want to be focused on who I was working with just how I was working. I didn't want to be unprofessional. Then one of the crew leaders paired me with the 19 year old, her only excuse is that we were close in age. I was very overwhelmed with how many people I had met already I felt extremely socially anxious, I stalled while tacking Nellie up. 

"God I feel like my stomachs about to explode"

I whispered to Nellie in his stall, I didn't expect him to reply. 

I lead him out and out his reigns over a wooden pole and sat on the grass with my hands in my pockets and my legs tucked to my chest.  I was pulling faces at Nellie and playing with his mouth as I heard a giggle from the behind me. They walked in with their hair tied up in a loose pony tail and little curls framed their face. They were wearing a coat and some scruffy jeans. They were short and pale and their nose and cheeks were bright red from how cold the wind was . I hopped down from the edge of the space and started walking towards them, 

"Hi!" I said with a soft smile 

"Hi! You're Amara, right?" They said, a cute British accent filled the space.

"Yeah! What's you're name, sorry I didn't catch it" 

"I'm Bella," they said with a slight giggle "and who's this beauty?" they said, referring to Nellie

"This is Nellie, don't worry he's really gentle and sweet. Have you ridden before?"

"Um no, not really" more of that sweet accent filled my ears. 

"Thats okay! Let's get started. Do you need a leg up?"

"Uh yeah if thats okay" I could tell they were feeling probably a little anxious or uncomfortable. Instead of giving them a leg up I told them to climb up from the pole onto Nellie. They gladly took that option and I don't blame them. 

We were holding a steady, giggly conversation. We eventually warmed up to each other. They were really funny and sweet. and pretty. but I was too scared to let that thought come to the forefront of my mind. So I ignored it. After we were done, it was 1:30 and time to eat. I was really hungry but felt too awkward to do so. I can eat at home. Or convince Prue to give me a granola bar that had been in her bag for months. 

"Are you gonna eat with us?" Bella asked, I found it cute how their accent made words sound

"Uh- No not right now. I'm not hungry" I said with a smile

"Oh, okay. I'll see you around then" They said with an even wider smile. 

I lead Nellie to his designated stall which had his name in chalk on it, which I thought was cute. I walked to a little trailer that they had given us to rest in since we'd be there everyday helping for a bit. I sat on the little chair in the trailer and went on my phone. I went on instagram and typed "Bella Ramsey", their page came up and I followed it. I spent a while looking at some photos of them. As I was swiping through a recent post of theirs I realised I had spend most of the day so distracted that I had totally forgotten what happened yesterday. as soon as I remembered my stomach sunk and tears filled my eyes. I kept wiping them away but they kept falling down my cheeks. I wanted my friends back. I wanted to be able to tell them about this. I wanted to go out to lunch with them and have sleepovers like normal friends do. I let myself uncontrollably sob until I heard a knock on the trailer door. 

"Hold on, coming!" I yelled, my voice was shaky and I wiped the tears from my face and sniffed so I didn't sound like I had been crying. I opened the door and Bella was standing there with two plates of food, 

"Hi, I could tell you were hungry so here, we can eat together. If you want to"

"Oh yeah. Thank you so much. Um, do you want to sit in here or?"

"Yeah let's sit in here, its warmer in here" they said as they handed me the plate with a warm smile and sat at the little tiny table in the trailer. The conversation started awkward but got to us laughing about my impressions of British people. 

"You're gonna be here for awhile right?" They said at the end of a laugh 

"Yeah, a month or two I guess" 

"Good. Can I see your phone for a second?"

"Huh? Yeah" I said as I handed them my phone, confused. When they handed it back, it was open on messages, snapchat and it was open on their instagram page from before. Oh god. What if they saw. They had put their number in my phone and on Snapchat. My stomach turned into butterflies. 

"I see you already know me on Instagram, hm, good girl very impressive" They said jokingly, pulling a face. My stomach was immediately filled to the brim with butterflies. They were fluttering at the entrance to my throat, trying to fly out. I smiled sweetly at them. And got the same type of smile in return, squinted eyes behind round glasses. 

"Text me when you need me again" They said as they got up to leave and took their paper plate with them. 

"Okay, I will. Thank you for bringing me food"

"No problem" They said with one last smile. 

rbnnn44: 

HI. HI HELLO. yes it finally happened our boyfriend Bella. TELL ME IF U R ENJOYING THIS OK BYE MUAH XOXO