you and me, me and you

i think i need to tell you something

"So, how's it going with- Bella? Is that their name?" my dads voice crackled through the phone
"Yeah, Bella. It's going really good actually. We went on a hike a few days ago"
"I saw! On your instagrams. So, have you said it yet?"
I swallowed uncomfortably knowing what he was going to ask, but i played dumb
"Said what yet?"
"You know, the L word!"
"Lesbian?"
"Oh shut up, love. Have you said i love you yet?"
"No" I said, defeated. It felt weird talking to my dad about this.
"Why?" he said
Deep down i knew it was because i was scared they wouldn't say it back. or feel the same. or i'd freak them out. What if i told them and ruined the whole thing? Did they just see this as a weird fling??
"Dunno, just haven't. You know how relationships are- anyway I better get back to work. Talk to you later"
"Oh- Okay. Talk to you later"
"Bye dad"
"Bye Mar"
As the beep tone from the phone sounded in the empty stall i was mucking out, I sighed and poked at the sand. I had gotten a new "job" at a barn here in Alberta. I missed my old one though, and I missed Xavier and Jackie, and everyone else. I missed the horses and I missed being not cold. I was redoing the feed for all the horses this morning, there were only 10 at this stable. No ponies, only horses, which was weird. I felt weird today, empty. Bella was at work, and we had a weird moment at the hotel in the morning when they said goodbye to me.

They had left at 7 and i had to leave at 9 so, they had woken up before me to leave. They went to the bathroom to brush their teeth and whatever, and woke me up accidentally. They were on the phone to their older sister, whispering about something in the bathroom, but i heard my name. The room was dark and quiet, but I listened hard to make out what they were saying  about me or us.
"No I know. It's just so hard to tell them"
"Yeah but, if you do then you should" their sisters voice cracked through the phone
"I've just never been with someone so..I don't know. Can you just tell me how-"
"No, cmon you have to do it yourself"
"Pfft, okay" they sighed
"Okay. You'll be fine. Call me again soon, love you"
"love you too, bye"
The bathroom door cracked open and they locked eyes with me sat up in the bed looking towards them.
"H-how much of that did you hear?"
"Oh-" should i lie? should i ask them what they were talking about? "-Like just  the end of it"
"Okay"
"Why?"
"Um- we were talking about your birthday present"
"Oh- okay"
"Yeah, anyway. I'll see you after work"
"Okay" I smiled. They kissed me goodbye and closed the door. I sat in the bed for awhile, kind of frozen.
I've been trying to brush it off all morning but i just felt weird. My birthday wasn't for another month and a half so it was a bad lie anyway, my mind was overthinking about two things, they either wanted to say i love you, or the opposite and wanted to break up but didn't know how to tell me. Maybe i was getting too clingy, I did come with them to Alberta, that's got to be a bit annoying. What if they needed space and didn't know how to tell me that. They seemed off this morning when they left, maybe I should give them space. If that's what they were talking about and it's hard for them to tell me then I should give them space. I wasn't mad at them for it, I just felt bad because they felt like they couldn't tell me. I kept thinking about that all day, I convinced myself that was what it was, but a voice in the back of my head kept telling me it was the complete opposite, they wanted to say it. Or it was actually about my birthday present and I was being difficult and overthinking. I sighed and slumped down in the stall over new bedding. I wanted to talk to them about what I heard but obviously i didn't want to pressure them into saying they needed space if they felt so weird saying it to me. Should i talk to my dad about it? No. Xavier?? Also probably not.

I decided I was gonna stay late at work, just to give them a few hours alone. Juggling me and work they must never feel like they get space, I'd just tell them that i needed to stay late. It was around 5, getting dark as I was finishing cleaning all the tack, as i felt a *bzz* from my phone.

"Where are you?" Bella had texted
"Work asked me to stay a bit later :) just eat dinner without me I'll be home soon" I said. Did that sound weird like i was lying? maybe i shouldn't have lied to them.
"Okay, see you soon" They replied
A deep drop hit my stomach, were they mad? Did they know i lied? No how would they know. Maybe they still felt weird from this morning too. I put my phone in my bag and left it so it wouldn't distract me to pine over what they might be feeling towards me right now. I sat with one of the horses in her stable, I had nothing to do. I went into the feed room and tidied it up. I had been at work since 10 and there wasn't much to do anymore.
"Watcha still doing here?" The stable manager popped into the room, he hadn't been here all day
"Hm, oh- I dunno"
"I thought you were supposed to leave at 3? It's 5"
"Yeah, I just thought I'd stay longer"
"You don't need to. don't worry!" he said with a smile
"Oh okay" i smiled back. Fuck. Now i really have to leave
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah sorry, tired"
"We'll go home, get some rest i'll see you on Friday!
"Okay" I said grabbing my bag and leaving
"Wait Amara!" He yelled after me
"Yeah?"
"Do you want me to drive you home?"
"Oh, yes please if you could"
"Okay, wait 2 seconds"
He walked out of the stables holding a big ring of keys. Then he used one of them to lock the stable, then to open his car.
"Where are we going?" he asked
I gave him the name of the hotel
"Oh! I know where that is. We'll be there in 7 minutes" he said punching the address into his GPS.
Shit. 7 minutes. That's soon.

When we got to the hotel i thanked him and waved him goodbye. I stared up at the building, looking at the window of me and bella's room wondering if they were in there having the time of their life without me. I didn't want to ruin it if they were.

I got into the hotel elavator and pressed the floor number. The slight whizzing sound of the elevator wooshed and then dinged as it got to my floor. I felt sick, and shakey and scared. I walked towards the room and knocked on the door. Bella opened it within a second,
"Where were you?!" They pulled me into the room and held my hands
"Work"
"Did you get any of my text messages?"
"I didn't check my phone" I said. What was happening. Was this good or bad?
"Jesus, I was freaking out"
"Why whatd you send?" I said pulling out my phone;
Amara when will you be back?
Maraaaa
I made dinner for us but I don't want to eat alone
Are you okay?
Are you mad at me?
Did i do anything?
Can you come home now?
Was it this morning?
"Oh my god, i didn't see them. No, no i'm not mad at you i thought you were mad at me"
"What why?"
"I dunno, I guess you seemed a bit weird this morning. Are you mad at me?"
"No! I'm not mad, why did you think i was angry?"
"I thought you wanted space, or something. That's why i stayed late at work, I just wanted you to have alone time."
"Amara, I didn't and don't want space, I was worried about you. Why didn't you just ask me? I'm sorry about this morning i didn't mean to act weird you just caught me by surprise"
"I'm sorry, i should have just asked you. I didn't mean to worry you i'm okay" I said rubbing the back of their hand with my thumb
"Don't say sorry it's okay, i don't want space that's the opposite of what I want right now" They sighed
"I just thought that's what you were talking to your sister about this morning, you know when you said you didn't know how to tell me"
"No! That's not what i meant by that"
"I know, i'm sorry. I was overthinking. Thank you for thinking about my birthday present so soon though"
"It wasn't about your birthday present either"
"Oh, what was it about? I mean you don't have to tell me if it was just between you and your sister"
"No, I want to tell you"
"Okay. If you're gonna tell me something i'm gonna tell you something too"
They held my face in their hands. I held their waist in mine. They pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and whispered,
"Please don't hate me for this, okay?"
A look of fear took over my face "I promise I won't. You can't hate me for this either"
A look of fear took over theirs too "I promise too" . I don't know what I could hate them for telling me, we're we breaking up? If we were I don't think i could say my thing
They took a deep breath, and looked at me in the eyes,

"I love you, Amara"
My body was filled with relief as my stomach filled with butterflies and my face brightened with a smile rhat i couldn't help
"I love you too"
"Oh thank god" they said, pulling me close into a hug. My face was pushed into their neck as i breathed a sigh of relief. I kissed their neck and my eyes welled up with tears, I didn't want them to see me cry about this. They pulled away and I saw tears in their eyes too,
"Are you crying?" we both said at the same time
"Yeah" I said at the same time they said "No"
I smiled and giggled. I pulled them in still holding their waist and kissed them, a deep kiss, a long kiss. We kissed all the way to the bed as we flopped down on it on our sides.
"I love your face, i love your hair, i love the curls in your hair, I love your glasses-"
They cut me off, "I love you"
"I love you more"
They threw me ontop of them, "You do not!" they giggled
"I do!" I defended
"No way"
"I've loved you longer than you loved me!" I yelled
"NO WAY!"
"YES WAY!"
" I LOVED YOU LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO"
"WELL I KNEW A MONTH A GO!" they squealed
"I KNEW LIKE 2 MONTHS AGO"
"well i knew when i first saw you, so. I win"
"You did?"
"Yeah"
I sighed with a smile, "I love you"
"I love you too" they said, and kissed me.

We lay there for a bit, giggling. Not saying anything. Just laughing.

"So, was that my birthday present you just couldn't wait to give me?"
"Oh shut up, there's much more to come for your birthday"

rbnnn44: and thus, "you and me, me and you" has FINISHED!! (for now.. we will see) thank u sm for reading :( i love u and hope u enjoyed imagining smooching bella 😁😁🎀🎀❤️