Nigga Lamp - Remastered

Chapter 9 - The Man of the Mountains

"the grand wizard?"

"Yeah, THE GRAND WIZARD!!!!!"

"so what so ya actually do fella?"

The wizard thought to himself.

"Well, I can teleport you around for a price..."

"where exactly?"

"Depends on what you want. There are several copies of me around sure, if you want to get around."

"how da fook does that work??"

"A cloning accident gone wrong, don't ask, for it was all planned obviously, by THE GRAND WIZARD!!!!!"

...

"Also, just because you're my first customer in a while, I'll help you power up."

"ah lad, i wouldnt mind that. wait how da fook do ya know my name also?"

"Do not question THE GRAND WIZARD!!!!! I know such things, my extensive knowledge obviously."

Paddy had no clue what to think of this fella anymore.

"Now, take out your adventurer card, and let's give you more power!!!"

So Paddy did as he was told, and took it out.

"Alright, let's see... oh, you have a few skill points to spare. How about this one?"

He pointed to one of the skills Paddy had previously skimmed over.

'Lighthouse'

"sure, why not."

As he unlocked it, the card glowed for a few seconds before resuming its previous state.

"now how da fuck do i use it?"

"You just say it, no?"

"lighthouse."

"Hmmmm... not loud enough. Maybe a bit louder Paddy."

Then, at the top of his lungs...

"lighthouse!!!"

"Now buddy, no need to be that loud."

Appearing before them, however, was the lamp. Or rather, the lamp was forming into something on a greater scale.

A big gigantic being, the lamp looked like some sort of god. It was build, and looked powerful enough.

"so how does this work?"

"Hmmm... usually for the creation abilities, it should follow your orders, or work autonomously. Either one, really."

"destroy a tree outside."

As the message was directed towards it, with great force, it leaped outwards of the building, leaving a hole in the roof, and going out of the town.

"jaysus, thats handy so."

Running out to the outer side of town, they saw the entity absolutely destroying one of the trees, shredding the oak to nothing but tiny pieces.

"Try use your other abiltiies."

Snapping his fingers, the lamp entity emitted light, while destroying all the wood.

"light create"

Nothing happened.

"Maybe without the lamp you can't use some of your abilities."

Tapping on the what could be considered return button for the lamp, it would not appear before him. This must be because of the new form it had assumed.

"Try desummon it Paddy."

"go away."

Nothing.

"begone?"

Nothing again.

"Your power is related to light Paddy. How about light dissipate, darken? Something like that."

"how about... turn off"

"?"

"like when ya turn off a light switch?"

Even with the stupid sounding name, the being exploded into tiny light particles, and where it stood appeared the lamp, appearing instantly.

"light create."

...

"light create... ah fucking useless dildo fuck sake."

The lamp created...  Well, it was a phallic object made of light.

"oh jaysus ya have to order what ha want."

"Paddy?"

"wha?"

"How big is your mana reserve, exactly?"

"i dont know wha that is."

"Uh.. OK."

"that other one, light factory."

The lamp, seemingly spawned in what seemed to be a generator. It roared, so that meant it must be powered on. The generator had free ports in it, if he could plug anything in, but the third one was taken up by the lamp. The lamp began spawning in small minions, no bigger than the wheel of a car. They looked like the big black entity from earlier, with a replica of the lamp as their head, and the rest of them being made out of ceramic black... whatever the lamp was made of. Difference though... they were fat. Like, not obese fat, but fat enough to go on a diet, and  'Lighthouse' had a six pack.

"go break down that tree."

As he pointed to the tree beside the one that had just been destroyed, they spawned in axes and got to work, a new minion spawning in each second, and working effortlessly, like an army of ants. It was almost fun watching them work.

"You have some powerful magic, I applaud you. Now, something tells me you might like this object I have on my person."

"wha is it now."

The wizard pulled out a cigarette, and handed it to Paddy.

"lad how da fook did ya get this."

"Hoho, don't question me. Don't you know who I am. Anyways, Paddy, where are you off to?"

"the mountains, some fellas are bringing me along."

"How about I just teleport you there? Well, close enough to there anyways."

"actually? you might as well."

"OK, get ready."

Paddy was then turned into nothing but dust, just after THE GRAND WIZARD shot a peculiar beam at him. He then opened his eyes at his new location.

He looked up, and got a nice view of the mountain tops, coated in a nice white snow. Deciding to take a rest, he sat under a tree.

"how tha fuck do i light this?"

...

"light factory."

The loud generator appeared, shaking as the mechanisms in it ran once again, connecting itself to the lamp.

"light this fag for me will ya?"

And so, they did. They spawned in torches, even though all their tools were made out of light, there was a flame present at the top of their light sticks.

"thanks fellas."

After unsummoning them, he put the cigarette on his ear, and looked inside his bag.

"nothing much."

The attended use was to store the lamp, but now he could just summon it.

He put the lamp in his bag, just so he knew where it was. He put the cigarette back in his mouth, and let out a puff.

"jaysus, now all i need is the drink to go along with this."

Suddenly, out of no where, an apple above on the tree he was sitting under fell out of no where. Landing on his head, knocking him unconscious.

"ah... for fucks sake....."