Dear Nick

Oct 30th 2022 10:29pm

Dear Nick,

I texted you today... You never responded. I lost 3.2 pounds. I need to keep loosing weight. Once I weight 120lbs I'll be content. Maybe then I'll be good enough for you. I'm five foot nine. I am content with my hight, unless you would prefer me to be shorter or taller. I just want to be yours. I need you. I need to be with you. It's sad that I imagine what it would be like to be held by you. I think I might try acting like I am doing great, so that you want to be around me more. Maybe you like me being mentally fucked up because I give you a purpose. I want to get smaller so I'm not fat, so you would like me, so I would be light. The lighter I am, the better. I punish myself for eating. I shouldn't eat. Eating is bad. An empty stomach is good. I feel so alone. People are starting to notice. I don't know what to do. I wish you would notice. All I can allow myself to consume is water. Water is good. I'm trying to control my emotions by going into this mindset. It's called little space. It's a coping mechanism. My mind goes into the mindset of a child. When I'm in littlespace, big problems are hard to understand, so I ignore them. Nick I don't know how much longer I can take this. I fucking hate my life. I hate this so damn much. I want this feeling to go away. It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. Nick make it stop. Make it stop. Make the pain go away. Please Nick, help me. I can't take it. It's too much. I can't breathe. I'm scared, Nick. The empty dark pit of space is swollowing me. I can't escape. I'm fading away and no one's saving me. I need you to save me. Please, save me. I need you Nick. I love you.

-Sam