Dear Nick

Oct 25th, 2022 11:25pm

Dear Nick,

You will probably not see this, and if you do, it will be after in gone. There are some things I want you to know. I cried over seniors graduating because didn't want YOU to leave. I didn't want to lose you. The thought of not having your around, brings me to tears in an instant. Your hugs are like no other, they were so warm and comforting. It made all my problems disappear for that moment. Your presence lowered my stress because I knew if you were here, I would be okay. You make everything okay, and now that I am going to be loosing you soon, nothing is okay. I keep talking about college, to hide the fact that I will be gone soon. I do not want you to worry, because when I'm gone, I am in a better place. Though in your warm embrace is far better. If I can not have you with me, I have no point in living. I love you more than my family. You made me happy. I never felt this way with anyone, the way you are there for me, the way you somehow always knew something was wrong, the way you actually cared. Very few people actually cared. If only I could turn back time, if only I could tell you how much you mean to me. If I told you, I know I'd be right were I belong, by your side. You were, and will always be my voice, my reason to be. If only I could have one last hug from you, one last smile, one last moment of happiness. If only I could have you with me for one more day. I wish I could pause the hug, that moment in time. I wish I could tell you this, before you leave. I want you to be happy, so do not cry over me, I am not much to cry over. I'm such a disaster right now. I can't stop myself from crying. I know, you probably think it's stupid, but it isn't. Once you find the person that means as much as you do to me, you will understand. My emotional pain hurts physically. You missed two days of school, it was two of the hardest days of my life. You apologized, but you had nothing to apologize for. I'm not your responsibility, so you don't need to worry about me. During, those two days, I contemplated suicide more than I ever have. I am at my worst, and you are the cure. Yet I am traped away from you. I hate to admit it, but I am dependant on you, like a drunk is with their alcohol, or a druggie is with cocaine. If you ever see this, please, stay strong. I know you do not know what you want to do with your future, but choose what makes you happy. Show the world your beautiful smile, show them who you truly are. You are capable of anything you put your mind to. I need to go now, I love you Nick, stay strong.

-Sam